Shirley Named Humanitarian of the Year

Paul Shirley, Humanitarian

Internet blog FlipCollective named former Iowa State University basketball player and NBA journeyman, Paul Shirley, Humanitarian of the Year this past weekend. In a press release, the site noted “Shirley’s exhaustive and impassioned work towards the eradication of homeless children in Haiti” as the main reason for his receiving the honor.

FlipCollective’s founder, Paul Shirley, was available for an exclusive Skype interview with WRNL over the weekend.

Even during his time at Iowa State, Shirley was passionate about Haitian children.

“It humbles and excites me to present myself with this award after my tireless work with the Haitians,” Shirley said. “I feel like there has been a lot of misunderstanding in the past six months when it comes to my work and I’m glad that I and the good people at FlipCollective decided to give me this award. This should put to bed the ‘Paul Shirley hates Haiti’ sentiment out there.”

Embroiled in controversy since writing what seemed to be an ill-timed and cruel article about the relief effort in Haiti after the area was rocked by the worst earthquake in 200 years, Shirley hopes to clear the air about his comments.

“When I asked the Haitians to ‘use a condom once in a while,’ I was really just showing my concern for the growing population of homeless children across the world, not being the unconscionable dick that it appeared,” Shirley remarked while styling his hair in a nearby mirror. “I mean, Paul Shirley wears condoms all the time with chicks way hotter than you or any Haitian is ever going to land. I do it because I don’t want to leave behind a homeless child, not because I am afraid of STDs or something like that. Besides, no woman has yet to earn the Shirley seed.”

Although Shirley never donated a dime to the relief effort, he feels that his contributions can be measured monetarily.

“Do you know how many people I pissed off with that article? I bet people were donating in spite of me. You’re welcome, Haiti.”

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