A Conference Call between Delaney, Pollard, and Barta…

(Phone rings in the Big 10 Head Office)

Delaney: (talking to secretary off the phone, yet clearly audible) How the hell did this asshole get my number? Alvarez? Fucking loud mouth spi-

Pollard: JIM! JIM! Did you get my messages?

Delaney: All 150 of them? No. Not a clue. I had no idea you guys wanted in.

Pollard: Oh, thank God. I was worried you hadn’t gotten any of them. Do you know about ISU’s excellent research program?

Delaney: Seriously. Do you think we care about any of that?

Pollard: But it’s in your bylaws!

Delaney: (evil cackle) BYLAWS?!

Barta: Hey! What the hell is going on here? How in the sam hell did Pollard get a hold of you?

Delaney: Barta, get on your knees, thank God Iowa is already part of the Big 10, and start sucking.

Pollard: But Mr. Commissioner, we’re #22 in the Director’s Cup.

Delaney: You have a great volleyball program. Do you want a fucking cookie? Mother of god…

Barta: If you even entertain letting ISU into the Big 10, we’re out.

Delaney: Don’t let the door hit you…

Pollard: (interrupting) So you’re saying there’s a chance? He’s just afraid that it’s actually going to count when we kick their ass. You know, over the last 12 years ISU is leading the series. We’re ruling the di-hexade!

Delaney: We’re not letting you in either. Good lord, are you people retarded?

Pollard: As retarded as your mom! (giggles like a school girl)

Delaney: (hangs up phone)

Pollard: So, Gary, I’m thinking about putting up a banner across from Kinnick to celebrate our basketball victory. It’s a Cyclone STATE!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Barta: Fuck you. (hangs up phone)

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