Movie Remake Fever!

Brokeback Persian?

As we get closer to summer, it signifies the end of watchable sports and the onset of summer movie fever. This year, with movies like the Karate Kid remake coming out featuring Will Smith’s kid (even though it was already halfway offensive to Asians such as myself due to it starring Ralph freaking Macchio), and Prince of Persia, with Jake “I’m most famous for being a gay WHITE cowboy” Gyllenhall playing a Persian prince, it seems Hollywood has gone completely mad. I mean, last year, they made some white guy play Goku in Dragonball Z. You might as well have had Wesley Snipes play George W. Bush in a movie. Since remakes are all the rage, we WRNLers have a couple of suggestions for the Hollywood bigwigs.

 


Field of Dreams – It’s for sale, and this remake will increase the appeal to more prospective buyers!

Still Better Than Kevin Costner...


Stand By Me – Because diversity is all the rage!

Oh, It's a Special Edition Alright...


Remember the Titans – Jackie Chan seems to enjoy doing remakes, so why not?

Coach New-Miyagi

EDIT: Shortly after this article was posted, Disney contacted us to confirm a remake was indeed already in the works. They have provided us with a scene from the movie

Ken Jeong and Jet Li. showing team football can improve South Korea and China race relations

 

If you find any of these offensive… then ask yourself: Are any of these remakes worse than watching Tom Cruise play “The Last Samurai”?

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3 Responses to Movie Remake Fever!

  1. JStro02 says:

    Two things about the new Karate Kid.

    1.) He is being taught Kung Fu, in a karate movie. How that makes sense is beyond me.

    2.) No offense to little Smith, but that kid looks like he weighs about 15 lbs. And they have him fighting kids double his height, and triple his size. Couldnt someone just turn on a fan and watch him blow away?

    • I am a Cyentist says:

      They’re trying to stay true to the source material by casting Smith. Remember Ralph Macchio? Poor guy couldn’t grow a beard until he was 45 years old.

    • intoxcycated says:

      Those kids that are “double his height, and triple his size” are just mad that, at 11 years old, little Smith has a bigger penis than any of them ever will.

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