KU Ticket Scandal – Totally Justified?

Mangino nom noms?

The University of Kansas Athletic Department is under fire for an oversight that allowed former staffers to scalp over 1 million dollars worth of basketball and football tickets. First off, we’re estimating that to be about 2 million dollars worth of basketball tickets and a million lost on football tickets. People actually go to KU football games? They went to the Orange Bowl in 2008 and still I don’t think anyone gives a shit about the football program. The only thing people noticed was that Mangino was wider than Obie, the Orange Bowl mascot.

According to a Yahoo! sports report: “It’s not easy to learn that people you trusted let you down,” athletic director Lew Perkins said. “We thought we had just about every safeguard in place. Nobody picked up on it. I certainly didn’t. It caught me totally off-guard. There was a curveball thrown and I didn’t see it. I missed it. It got by me.”

Lew, it’s OK. You don’t have to lie to us. You were likely involved and took in profits for the athletic department. He really should just admit to it and the NCAA would forgive him. In all honesty, who can even blame the guy? The athletic department really needs the money! Just look at the expenses they’ve incurred over the past 5 years:

Mark Mangino: Let’s not tiptoe around it, he’s fucking enormous. How much do you think his food expenses cost KU? This is a guy that could eat 6 Jonah Hills for dinner, then ask for dessert. He has more chins than the number of Tiger Wood’s sexual partners. If you tack on the legal fees involved with all the players he abused the living shit out of.. you’ve got a BP oil spill sized bill to account for. I hear some coaches also have a shower in their office because they spend so much time there… I’m guessing KU had to put in a custom shower for him, probably special ordered from the “zoo” line.

Probably the best depiction of Dezmon Briscoe v. Tyshawn Taylor

Infighting: As it turns out, when the basketball team is revered beyond all reason, and the football team is on the verge of committing suicide due to Mangino’s verbal beratings, a full on UFC event takes place in Lawrence. If Lew didn’t spend some of that scalper money to hire some mediators or security to keep these idiots away from each other, Tyshawn Taylor’s extremely poor English skills would like be even more exposed (As well as his entire hand probably needing to be amputated). But really, can it really get worse than “I got a dislocated finger … from throwing a punch, so don’t let the newspaper gas ya all up, aite”? Congrats Tyshawn, you can’t even spell improper English correctly.

Brady DUIstar: If having a BAC of double the legal limit while speeding and weaving in and out of lanes is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. He even played in games wasted! Now that’s an accomplishment. Then again, since his OWN FATHER was involved in the whole ticket scandal, maybe the Morningstar family paid for the legal fees, instead of the school.

There's just no way that rug is 100% real...

Bill Self’s Toupee: You know what I’m talking about. The man obviously has a toupee. It sits nicely coiffed at all times and curls up in the back when he gets frustrated. If you have to wear a hat while in the water, it’s probably a good sign you have a toupee. I must say though, that is one quality toupee, and if I ever go bald, I’d like one of those. I’m also guessing it also cost KU a pretty penny.

Aqib Talib: Talib says he straight up admitted to coaches that he was going to test positive for marijuana, and was caught on three separate OTHER occasions.. yet was suspended for only two games for “undisclosed disciplinary reasons”. Even the University of Iowa athletic department thinks that Talib’s punishment was too light. If there wasn’t a payoff somewhere along the way, consider me shocked.

Sherron Collins: The one and only groin rubber of female janitors. You think college athletes can just come up with $75,000 dollars to pay off people they sexually assaulted? You know some of that scalped money went towards Sherron’s legal fees and probably to pay off the media, since this issue seems to have been completely swept under the rug. Oh well, I suppose karma came back to bite him in the form of a 4 for 15 performance against the UNI Farokhmaneshes.

Instead of acting indignant towards this “gross misappropriation of school assets”, we should applaud KU for coming up with extra money for the athletic department in these tough economic times. If Iowa State would have taken these measures, we wouldn’t have even had to wait for Creighton to save our asses…


5 Responses to KU Ticket Scandal – Totally Justified?

  1. clone fans are worthless. Here is a riddle for you: When is the last time the clones have done anything relevant in a major sport?

  2. Maybe you should try fielding a basketball team? Do you have enough to play a game? Why is that? Haters always come from schools with zero history. I mean ISU has nada…zero.

    • I am a Cyentist says:

      Yikes. Were you saying that when Larry Brown never won a game at Hilton? I mean, never? That’s a pretty terrible streak…. Were you saying that when Iowa State beat KU more times in a row than any other Big XII team? That’s a little bit a history for you.

      Also, focus your efforts on your school boards, not an ISU blog. Try and keep your science programs up to date, Kansas.

  3. Swampfox says:

    My basketball team is better than yours! na nah na nah naa!

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