Nebraska Causes Massive Failwhale

Sexy.

On the heels of the Bachelor-esque will they or won’t they join the Big 10 dilemma, the millions of tweets and retweets about the Nebraska dilemma caused Twitter to shut down for a solid 30 minutes.

WRNL spoke to AD Tom Osborne, who seemed more concerned that he was unable to update NU fans with his current BM activities than the state of the athletic program. “I thought everyone should have been aware about the fact that due to my new role as college football’s evil overlord God, I have been farting sunshine and crapping out rainbows and butterflies.”

Millions of teenage girls were reportedly in mourning over not being able to get up-to-the-second updates on Justin Bieber and the new Twilight movie for this 30 minute period, resulting in a sharp increase in cases of “Bieber Fever” in ERs across the country.

You heard it here first: Tom Osborne – poops rainbows, farts sunshine, AND inadvertently causes little girls to cry. Eric Crouch is sitting on his couch jealous.

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