Know Your Enemy Part 4: The University of (Northern) Iowa

Welcome to Week 4 of WRNL’s closer look at a 2010 ISU football opponent.

STADIUM: The Hawks, I mean, Panthers, play at lovely Kinnick Stadium, I mean the UNI-Dome, in Iowa Ci-, I mean Cedar Falls.  This banged up air bubble has the distinction of being located on the highest point in Black Hawk County.  If they aren’t busy packing their suitcases to go back to their hometown for the weekend, or watching the Hawkeyes, occasionally UNI students will find some free purple and gold t-shirt that they got at freshman orientation, throw it on over their black and gold, and mosey over to the UNI-Dome (if this isn’t the most creatively named stadium in college football, I’ll eat my fucking shoe) to watch the Panthers.

They just can't wait to change into their 2003 Outback Bowl shirts.

Of course, they love playing ISU, because they get to pretend that they care about UNI for a day, and have another excuse to root against the Clones.

MASCOT: In a never ending spurt of creativity, UNI’s mascot is TC, which stands for “The Cat”.  WOW UNI.  Real fucking original.  How did you guys think that one up?  I’m guessing someone driving home to Oelwein to screw their 16 year old girlfriend rather than party at college for a weekend was like “Yeah!  We’ll call it ‘The Cat'”, and then quickly shifted their thoughts to, oh, I don’t know, the Hawkeyes.

He's totally wearing an Iowa shirt under that jersey

If you weren’t so damn busy wishing you went to Iowa/rooting on the Hawkeyes and planning your next thrilling weekend away from college, you could contribute an ounce of original thought to your own university.

TEAM: UNI has actually been a powerhouse in FCS over the past few years, by recruiting players that were kicked out of FBS schools for fucking up somehow, but everyone in Cedar Falls was too busy watching the Hawks to notice or care.  Ironically, the Panthers came within inches of beating the Hawks last year, but failed TWICE IN A ROW to convert a short field goal.  Of course, the UNI players were so carried away that they almost realized that they were going to beat their favorite team, the Hawks.  Knowing that a loss to UNI would destroy the Hawk’s season, the UNI field goal team made sure to dick the dog, rather than humiliate the Hawks.

You mean if I make this kick, the Hawks lose? ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!

UNI kind of nosedived the rest of the season, and didn’t make the FCS playoffs for the first time in awhile.  They lose pretty much everyone, and should be in for a down year.

AGAINST ISU: Yes, we all know that UNI beat the Clones in 2007.  Ironically enough, the Cyclones got revenge on UNI fans everywhere when we beat Iowa the next weekend.  However, the all-time record is 18-4, so seriously Hawk/Panther fans, shut the fuck up.  You’ve beaten us 4 times ever, and one of those was against Gene Chizik, and we all know he’s a borderline retard.  Did skunking a mentally handicapped guy make you happy UNI?  You probably kick people in wheelchairs too.

Jesus christ, UNI. Didn't your mom teach you not to pick on disabled people?

Here’s to Paul Rhoads laying a thunderous beatdown on the Hawkeye-wannabes this fall.  Natty Lights all around!


21 Responses to Know Your Enemy Part 4: The University of (Northern) Iowa

  1. I am a Cyentist says:

    Damn, I’m surprised you can work up this much hate over UNI. Other than that abortion of a season in 2007, I haven’t really thought about Panthers football in, well, ever.

  2. normanunderwood says:

    Mrs. Underwood is a UNI alum. 2007 still doesn’t die around the inlaws. Some pent up rage being released.

  3. ClonefaninTexas says:

    Grew up in the Cedar Valley – nest of the UNI Panthers. Confusing on game days – which flag to hoist up the flag pole, IOWA or UNI….UNI if they played ISU and HAWKS for everyone else. ‘Tards.

  4. Rob says:

    iowa state is bad at everything dont act like its sweet to party in ames

    • st8te says:

      “bad at everything” yet still better than UNI at pretty much anything, by almost any measure.

      compared to cedar falls, it IS sweet to party in Ames

      • Rob says:

        they should be better easier to recruit there and yet theyre still bad and its lame there

      • st8te says:

        wow. just wow

      • abby says:

        dude…who beat Kansas? oh that’s right …THE PANTHERSSSS…. I know that isn’t football, but hmmmm how many Iowa fans jumped on board to cheer on the Panthers!? A TON! …. Not totally against Iowa football, but their fans… “Hey everyone, let’s talk about how horrible Iowa is until they come out at the end and pull off a win.. then let’s praiseeee them when they win” You are horrible fans! At least Panther fans are loyal no matter what! We don’t constantly talk smack on our team like you Iowa fans….Oh and let’s add something else to that- how many times a week do we read something in the paper about Iowa football players getting arrest/in trouble at all….. Looks like your team needs to focus on football- if you are sooooooo great, learn to play the game without being suspended;) Now that’s over: Get a life…Cheer on your own school and let it be. Stop causing drama like a little high school kid! Have pride in your school and in the other UNIVERSITIES in your state- We all excel in something within our schools!

      • CYphyllis says:

        I think Abby is confused, her ovaries must be getting in the way of her cognition development.

  5. Rob says:

    bad, just bad

  6. alex says:

    whoever wrote this article sounds like a really miserable person!! lighten up!

  7. Panther Dancer says:

    As a member of the UNI Dance Team, I am an extremely loyal and loving fan of the Panthers. Whoever wrote this article should be embarassed of their childish and immature words. I think it’s important to remember that Iowa State and Iowa have twice as many students in attendance than UNI. The only reason people try to take down UNI and debate our athletics program compared to Iowa and Iowa State is because UNI has proved to be a threat time and time again. We have some extremely talented athletes at UNI and have managed to make a great name for ourselves across the entire nation. We also have great sportsmanship and haven’t had to bash other schools on our way to success. I think everyone needs to remember what school spirit really means. Cheer loud and proud for your own team, and leave it at that. GO PANTHERS! 🙂

    • cjwick says:

      Panther Dancer – we here at WRNL take our readers comments to heart, especially those made by potentially attractive women (though we’ve been fooled on the internet before – damn you Chris Hanson).
      Please email us a high resolution photo of yourself and we will have this writer appropriately punished. Of that your have my word.

    • cyssormetimbers says:

      known nationally? Until Ali hit that late 3 against KU most people outside of the state of Iowa had never heard of UNI.

  8. normanunderwood says:

    If you’ve had to see cjwick naked, you’d understand my misery.

    Now, run along and cheer for the Hawkeyes. Another tool is EXACTLY what that bandwagon needs.

    • cjwick says:

      you wish – seriously Dancer, don’t let this underwood guy scare you, he just talks tough.

      Now about that picture, you’re 18 or older right? If this is a fat middle-aged hawkeye dude who thinks that wearing his underwear and a purple sequined haltertop makes him a member of the UNI dance squad – I’m gonna be severely disappointed.

  9. normanunderwood says:

    What’s more sad?

    A) Friday night in Cedar Falls or

    B) The fact that people take this seriously


  10. Panther in Ohio says:

    Div I athletes have three reasons to play the game:
    1. free education
    2. win championships
    3. play in the pros.

    Most players on the field receive their $$$…. We won’t talk records over the past few years of Div I football (would not be very pretty for ISU). As for playing in the pros, the count is UNI 8, ISU 7.

  11. Iowa State is a disgrace says:

    wow dude, whoever wrote this article is a complete idiot. The only thing that Iowa State has going for it is wrestling and occasionally volleyball. UNI basketball program takes the cake for the state of Iowa, Iowa takes the cake for football and yes wrestling as Iowa State gets their ass kicked every year by Iowa. If you are so heralding of Iowa State, check this out, UNI has beaten Iowa State 3 out of the last 4 years in basketball. They also have more tournament appearances and conference championships. You should just be praising Texas for keeping the Big 12 together otherwise you would end up in a non BCS conference because no one wants ISU.

    • UNISAJOKE says:

      I went to UNI…as far as describing the students this is as accurate as it gets. All it is is Hawkeye fans that occasionally wear purple

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