WRNL: Know Your Cyclones

With football season upon us, we here at WRNL decided to take a closer, objective, look at the Iowa State football roster.  We’ll be breaking down the roster in true WRNL fashion.  First up: Michael Romey.

Michael Romey, aka "Mr. Rye"

Michael Romey was a highly recruited player out of high school (Carroll-Kuemper Catholic) and raised in nearby Templeton, IA.  Romey is listed as a punter but don’t let the roster fool you, these Carroll County folks are sneaky.  Let’s not forget their most infamous resident Lois Feldman: who went bottoms up in the Metrodome Bathroom .  Romey, a redshirt Junior  majoring in Mechanical Engineering, is also a 4th generation masher of the finest whiskey in the Midwest: Templeton Rye.   A little background for you on Templeton Rye as told to WRNL by Uncle Clifford Romey III: apparently the Templeton Rye corporation name and trademark were STOLEN according to Clifford (read: went inactive) and re-trademarked by another Iowa family.  He  states that there is still a bitter family feud going on to this day for the stealing — or what Clifford Romey III called “a complete dick move” (and legal) — for claiming the rights to Templeton Rye.  (***Editor’s note: this guy was wasted so he probably wasn’t Uncle Romey III; he also claimed to be Hayden Fry’s gay lover, but we felt we should double-check so we googled it. Turns out it was on the internet, so it must be true on both accounts. Don’t worry, Mike, everyone has a gay uncle***)

The Good Stuff

Back to our lad Michael; what the youngest lacks in physical attributes he makes up for in the classroom and the field (where the stills are).  Michael is a valuable weapon for Coach Rhoads. You see, over the years, Michael’s family actually owns, and has perfected, the original Templeton Rye recipe.  When home or away, Coach Rhoads traditionally offers a bottle of this rare 22-year-old Rye (made special to honor the birth of any Romey) to coaches, except Nebraska’s (Pelini likes the 8 year olds – sicko). Opposing coaches have tried but cannot turn away or put down the sweetness once it has touches their lips, (just wait Turner Gill, its like white women, but better!).  After a night with the Rye, coaches can’t help but show up on game day feeling  like Gary Busey’s liver after a 3-day bender and in some cases (Dan Hawkins) they never get off the bottle.

This year should be no different, save Utah – stupid non-drinking Mormons.

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