Big XII vs. NBA Free Agency: A Critical Comparison

With the LeBron sweepstatkes NBA Free Agency opening up tomorrow, we felt it was appropriate to look at how our beloved Big XII schools relate to some of the biggest NBA free agents that will be signed at 12:01 AM on July 1st after their obvious first second third fourth contact with an interested team.

Baylor = Rasho Nesterovic. Who? No one loves you, and neither do I.

Colorado = Jermaine O’Neal. You had your day in the sun but unbecoming acts (Colorado and their sex parties, O’Neal and his fists) rendered you irrelevant. Your former conference/team will be happy to get rid of you because of your pitiful results.

Iowa State = Tracy McGrady. Talented in some areas, pitiful in others. You have shown brief flashes of brilliance (2005 ISU football, McGrady circa 2001) but could never get over the hump, and have now slid in to the far reaches of relevancy.

Kansas = Dirk Nowitzki.  You’re white and pretty good at basketball.  You both have your fair share of disappointments, whether it be losing as a #1 seed to Golden State or…. Losing as a #1 seed to UNI.

Kansas State = Jerry Stackhouse. The 90s were real good to you. Now you’re old, ugly, and nothing more than second fiddle to a more attractive star in your neighborhood. You should just quit now and accept your fate.

Missouri = Allen Iverson. Just shut up already.

Nebraska = Shaquille O’Neal. You used to be great but now your competition has caught up to you. Who cares though? You still talk shit like you matter.

Maybe they were just really upset about the Davidson win…

Oklahoma = Adam Morrison. How do you keep making money? You have done nothing for anyone lately. But hey, your tears taste as salty as ever.

Oklahoma State = Chris Bosh.  You are pretty good, most of the time.  However, you seem to be nothing more than a hanger on and waiting to win the sweepstakes when your bigger, more attractive brothers finally strike gold. Look at the bright side though; at least you’re a man.

Texas = LeBron James. Everyone wants him and everyone wants to be him. Decision will likely screw up everything known to the world and is the biggest decision since God created man.

Texas A&M = Joe Johnson. You are just holding on for a sweeter deal because of your surroundings. You’re good, sure, but you have benefited from the talent around you.

Texas Tech = Amare Stoudemire. Dangerous when the effort is there. Otherwise just over-hyped and still searching for that elusive breakthrough moment.


About knowdan
Defender of all things Clone.

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