Royce White Commits To ISU!

Iowa State Men’s basketball just picked up yet another transfer today, sophomore forward Royce White, previously of Minnesota. White is the most heralded player to come to ISU since probably Marcus Fizer. Taking Royce is not without risks, however. White was suspended for a good portion of his freshman season due to a shoplifting charge in a mall, as well as the accusation that he stole a laptop from a dorm room, AJ Price style.

Rest easy, Cyclone fans, Royce’s past transgressions will not ever hurt his standing in Ames. There are three major reasons for this:

  1. If Royce steals from a mall and no one is there to notice it, is it really shoplifting? Seriously, have you been to North Grand Mall lately? That place is more deserted than Carver Hawkeye on Pierre Pierce humanitarian night.
  2. Iowa State campus computer labs are all desktop computers. As we all know, Royce is all about laptops, so no worries here. Just to show our goodwill, WRNL would be glad to donate a laptop to Mr. White, though we won’t guarantee it will be newer than 2005, or have keys that aren’t super sticky.
  3. The old, senile Cyclone fans won’t even associate Royce with thuggery. From his name, You’d think he’s about 80 years old, from Osage, IA, and drives a tractor.

Coach Hoiberg, we don’t know what you are doing to pile up the transfers, but if it’s seducing player’s moms with your sexiness, then you really fucked up by not getting to LeBron’s mom before Pat Riley did. There’s no shame in being Delonte’s sloppy seconds..


One Response to Royce White Commits To ISU!

  1. I am a Cyentist says:

    If Hoiberg can find a way to get White eligible next season, I’ll name my firstborn after him. Son or daughter; it doesn’t matter, they’re getting named Fred.

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