Know Your Enemy Part 9: University of Nebraska
July 15, 2010 79 Comments
Editor’s Note: Norman has seemingly forgot how to count yet again. Kansas preview will run next week. In the meantime, we are enrolling Norman in a “principles of Math” class at the University of Phoenix.
We regret to inform our readers that this will be the first and only time WRNL previews the University of Nebraska. The Cornhuskers took their ball, went home, and decided to move to the Big 10.
STADIUM: The Huskers take the field at yet another creatively named Memorial Stadium ($10 says some irrate Husker fan leaves a comment telling us what group the stadium is named in honor of), in Lincoln NE.
I can assure you this stadium is not in Norman, OK, Columbia, MO, or Lawrence, KS
Lincoln, of course, is home to the fat girl. Ames isn’t exactly the Grove, but my god if a trip to Lincoln don’t make a guy feel appreciative for what he has.
The first thing you notice when attending a game in Lincoln is how A) serious the fans take a game, and B) how patronizing the fans are. The thing is, they think they’re being nice, but it always comes off like a complete backhanded compliment. They think they’re the best fans in college football. They’re being nice for show, and it’s obvious as hell. When they beat you, the fans will be really nice, but it’s in a “it’s ok that you shit your pants at school and had to sit in the corner for eating paste, Timmy. We still love you” sort of a way. Oh yeah, Nebraska gave us Larry the Cable Guy.
The pinnacle of Nebraskan Culture.
This alone makes them a worthy candidate for nuclear annihilation.
MASCOT: Seriously, is there a creepier mascot in the Big 12 than Herby?
I only know words like "fetch" and "rape".
Ok, maybe Willie the Wildcat, but he’s just lame. Herby looks like a god damn sex offender. This is because he most likely is a sex offender. I mean, doesn’t he just scare the shit out of you? If you ran into Herby Husker in a dark alley, you might end up like Andy Dufrene after Boggs and the Sisters get ahold of him. At least, you would if Herby wasn’t a complete fucking pussy.
Even creepier than Herby is his blow up gimp, Little Red. Little Red just comes off like the silent stalker type. Kind of a less awesome version of the BK King. Little Red just silently follows Herby, staring at you.
I always knew Herby was the catcher...
Watching. Judging. Waiting. Waiting…
TEAM: Nebraska loses one of the best players in college football history in Ndamukong Suh, and returns a god awful offense, yet somehow, Husker Nation has convinced themselves (and this time a few idiot pundits) that they’re going to “restore the order” again. Thankfully the Huskers return this guy:
Epic Fail
If Niles Paul were fat, white, and had a beard, he’d make for a great Santa Claus. He already has the whole “dressing in red and white and giving gifts” thing down to a T.
AGAINST ISU: As we reflect back on what was mostly a lopsided series (thanks to that bastard Tom Osborne), WRNL would like you all to ignore the big picture and focus on the fact that ISU is in position to send Nebraska to the Big 10 with 2 straight losses to ISU. WRNL would like to take a look back at some of the many memories we can thank the Huskers for over the years. From Marvelous Marvin Seiler going 77 yards in ’92, to 8 turnovers in 2009, the Huskers have given us some great moments. But none greater than the famous locker room speech. Thank you, Nebraska, for unleashing the greatness of Paul Rhoads.
Chuck Norris wears Paul Rhoads undies
You can take your Wal-Mart t-shirts, jean shorts, and Larry the Cable Guy to the Big 10 and go fuck yourselves (actually I think Ohio State will be the ones fucking you). Or Get ‘Er Done. Whatever that fat redneck says.
Oh yeah: SCOREBOARD!!!!!!!!!
Wide Right & Natty Lite 
“The thing is, they think they’re being nice, but it always comes off like a complete backhanded compliment. They think they’re the best fans in college football. They’re being nice for show, and it’s obvious as hell. When they beat you, the fans will be really nice, but it’s in a “it’s ok that you shit your pants at school and had to sit in the corner for eating paste, Timmy. We still love you” sort of a way.”
…Nailed it. I’ve enjoyed my visits to Lincoln in the sense that some drunk Hawk fan isn’t swearing and throwing bottles at my head, but you’re right. Most Husker fans are nice in a pat-your-head, know-your-place-little-one kind of way. I almost prefer the obscenities and violence. At least it’s honest.
Whatever we’ll wave as we drive back from beating those fucker Hawkeyes…they’re gayer than a circle jerkA at Illinois State University. Another circle jerking ISU, imagine that! :0
Suck it Clowns…at least we’ve been to a Big12 title game and then gotten fucked over, you couldn’t wide right your way to one……oh wait! 😉
Look at that. Nebraska fan thinks he’s too good for a circle jerk now. Some people just can’t appreciate a good time.
I ALMOST want to go to that game…just to see Husker fans’ faces while they get everything from obscenitites to beer bottles to raw hamburger thrown at them all for wearing a red shirt. You think KSU or CU fans are bad? Just wait. Have fun in Iowa City. And maybe wear a helmet.
Hey Husker: SCOREBOARD..
Hey, if the hottest girl in my State had a double chin, I’d be pissed about it too.
And you’re never too good for a circle jerk. Just wait til you start playing in Iowa City. You’ll see the definition of one.
I’m so sending this to my NU relatives. Thanks guys!
You guys are some clowns. Answer me this: has IA State every won anything…….in anything? I remember a few years back when you guys had hopes and aspirations of making it “big time”. You showed up to a loud, full house at home and looked like you were primed to put your face on the College Football map. But then you took the field…and got your asses kicked by Nebraska–like always. By half your stadium was empty and it was clear why you aren’t and never have been a college football power hourse. Really IA State, you are pathetic. So pathetic, in fact, that you almost had to join the Mountain West because no other conference was interested in you.
So keep with your little message board and blog stuff. It gives the “classiest fans in America” something to laugh at… See ya in the fall. We’ll see how many butts are left in the seats at halftime.
9-7
It might just be me, but if you put the word “brother” in some select spots in this guys post he sounds a lot like Hulk Hogan with a touch of water on the brain.
How does one define irony?
1. Ask Alanis Morrisette.
2. Supposedly “classy” Nebraska calling ISU fans clowns.
You have to remember that class in Nebraska has a very different definition then anywhere else. As an example, a classy restaurant in Nebraska would be a red and white checkered table cloth, all you can eat biscuits, and Travis Trit rocking that jukebox on repeat.
(enters a state of Hulk-a-Mania): OoOOH! Look out for the “Bad Mother Fucker”! You’re so bad ass, Mother Fucker! I wanna be as bad ass as you! You’re so fucking tough!
Scoreboard, douche bag
Listen brother, I don’t want you besmirching the Hulkster’s good name on this board! A-ROOOO!
Ever notice how Hulkster and Husker are nearly the same word?! IT’S TRUE! JUST MIX UP A FEW OF THE CONSONANT’S, BROTHER!
PEOPLE MAY SAY THAT NEBRASKA’S TIME IS OVER, AND THEY ARE A HOPELESSLY OUTDATED RELIC OF FOOTBALL’S BYGONE ERA! I’M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IT JUST…AIN’T…TRUE!
The classiest fans in football would NEVER LET THEIR PROGRAM DIE! A-ROOOO! THEY ARE THE LIGHT OF THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL WORLD! IF THE HULKSTER HAD ANY ELIGIBILITY REMAINING HE”D TEAM UP WITH RIC FLAIR, STRAP ON A HELMET, AND EMERGE FROM THE NU BACKFIELD AS THE ROUGHEST, TOUGHEST COMBO TO EVER RUN THE POWER-I!!!
*Chugs beer*
*Sprays beer all over*
*Has massive coronary*
Bad Mother F’er has it right. Cyclown fans are pathetic.
“oh oh oh OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH look we are gonna win the big 12 north because we went 7-5 last season!!!! And we are gonna get 8 turnovers again cuz um duuuurrrrrr thats the only way we can beat the huskers!!!!!”
trust me, you hear sh*t like this in ames all the time!!!
also, i was there at that game in 2008 when jack trice stadium was over half empty by half time…..funniest comment i heard from an ISU student was, “even our student section is filled with husker fans. WTF???” that just proves to me that not even ISU students follow that pitiful excuse for a football team.
oh wait its almost basketball season again!!!!! oh wait we suck at that too!!!!! pathetic little cyclones we are sorry!!!
Hey douchelord.
Fyi theres only a small amount of nebby fans that get in the student section, and usually they are bandwagon bitches, just like yourself. So what does that make Nebby if you lost to a “pitiful excuse of a football team” last year?
Exactly. I’ll enjoy looking back at this thread when we win this fall, and ask how you feel about the game?
Oh and cyclown fans, sooooooooo intelligent.
ok. when you “win” this fall go ahead and say what you want.
you better hope for 8 turnovers again because you would have lost if you only had 7 last season. good luck though.
Wow. You guys are IDIOTS. That’s a……Pulp Fiction reference….! I refuse to sit on this message board and comment. Although I will bookmark this page and come back the day after we play you in the fall see how many of you are throwing out the SCOREBOARD comment. I’d tell you the day that we play you, but I don’t track the dates of our matchups. You guys are our doormat and comparable to our non-conf against South Dakota State.
So take care IA State. And I’ll see you the day after…whenever the hell we play. And note–I will be watching your stands. See if you can sit through an entire butt-woopen instead of leaving at half.
So touchy, Nebraska fans! Been hitting the rage-ahol a bit early this morning?
And I’m confused. What’s a Pulp Fiction reference? Your user name? Because I’m pretty sure that people have been saying “Bad Motherfucker” long before Tarantino made that movie. But I can understand your attachment. Pulp Fiction was released around the last time Nebraska was relevant.
Don’t mind him too much, that willingness to fight is probably what made it possible for him to survive the abortion.
oh and i forgot to mention, you might want to do a little more research on “classiest fans in america” that phrase was coined by ESPN after the first time we broke the attendance record for game day and then it was adopted by us. it was not created by husker fans.
Only believed to be true by Husker fans.
actually its very true i watched it myself and im sure you could find a clip of it online. so try again.
Your lack of coherence is confusing me, I didn’t mean that it was never said on ESPN, I meant that no one thought it was a correct statement outside of Nebraska. I’m sure someone has tried to tell you guys at some point, but it’s hard to talk over the overwhelming volume created by mouth breathing throughout the state.
my lack of coherence?? your lack of knowledge of the english language is confusing me.
co·her·ence /koʊˈhɪərəns, -ˈhɛr-/ Show Spelled[koh-heer-uhns, -her-] Show IPA
–noun
1. the act or state of cohering; cohesion.
2. logical interconnection; overall sense or understandability.
As in I don’t think you understand. Now I’m not going to make any assumptions about your mothers drinking habits when she was pregnant or how you were basically a prototype of the shake weight at a young age, because I am above that, I always take the high road.
Scoreboard.
As a husker fan it is hard not to be annoyed with some of stuff you said. However after taking the time to read some of the other articles on this site I began to appreciate the humor, even when it is directed at the huskers. Even this article made me laugh.
I also enjoyed the article on baseball, I know it was by some one else, but might I suggest a piece on NASCAR next? I only mention it because that stupid “sport” may prevent the Nebraska-Texas game from being at night. Not that it matters much, as long as we beat them.
See? A classy Nebraska fan! Just for that, we may honor your request.
will wonders never cease?
Ames Husker is a douche bag bandwagon fan.
You cheer for Nebraska because when you were a little kid they won a National Title. No other reason. I bet you don’t cheer for Husker basketball, do you?
Go put on your Yankees hat and Duke Basketball shorts to match your Nebraska shirt, you bandwagon poser shit head.
haha actually i do cheer for nebraska basketball football baseball wrestling volleyball etc. i could tell you anything you want to know about any of said teams.
but yes i do follow the chiefs as well so i guess if that makes me a bandwagon fan then ill go away in my little cave.
perhaps you would like to say “scoreboard” to me?!?!
I have taken it upon myself to guess your approximate age to be around late teens to very early 20’s. With that holding true, you would have been growing up during the time the Chiefs were a very solid, 12 – 13 win team for multiple years – so yes, bandwagon fan.
And for good measure, scoreboard.
This brought the hillbillies out of the trailers and into the library for web access. Any writer that can achieve those results of getting a 270lb inbred cornfuck to walk to the library has to be rewarded in some shape or form.
I accept alcohol, cocaine, and prostitutes for forms of reward.
I hope they don’t move too fast, they might end up tearing all the skin off their knuckles.
Zing!
Nebraska and the Big 10 deserve each other, neither has been relevant in football for over a decade now. I hate Nebraska so much, that I actually sat in KU’s Memorial stadium and wore a KU SHIRT and watched them have to stop playing football as to not put up 100 points. 79 in the third quarter was hilarious oh and the “classiest fans in America” cussed out my 8 year old cousin and another stood in the middle of the street yelling about past wins. This shocked no one as all Nebraska fans do is talk about the past.
At least Nebraska has Runza… oh wait, nevermind. Runza sucks.
Hey guys, lay off the Pulp Fiction reference.
Everyone knows that the entire state of Nebraska is stuck in the mid 1990’s. Pulp Fiction is just hitting the theatres, and I’m sure he thought it was a witty retort.
Come on guys….. Let them have their 15 minutes. Hasn’t it been since like 1977 that they beat us in Lincoln? With NU’s record over them at 85-17-2 & soon to be 86-17-2 for “time in memoriam”, they deserve a chance to beat their little hairless chests.
crap not the hairless chest insult.
Hey now! I’m Asian, therefore I have no chest hair. Racist.
I shave mine for the ladies. You’re welcome.
Ah… The “history” card. Most typically played when “scoreboard” isn’t available.
Ah, the scoreboard card. Most typically played when the sun shines on a dogs ass every once and again.
Nah. Just when you win. Which Nebraska didn’t last year, despite ISU starting back up freshmen @ QB and RB.
Ah, the bitterness card. Most typically played when the realization that after ones team was unable to abuse the use of prop players and criminals the chances of ever being relevant in college football no longer existed.
I’m a Nebraskan that lives in ames Iowa. Have the ISU fans ever looked around ames?? ISU is really calling the Kettle black in this article.
If NU had 8 turnovers, and ISU only had 9 points.. imagine what will happen when they dont have the turnovers next year.
Nebraska is not the great team they once were, and prolly never will be again. But we are not shouting in the streets full of pride over a 6-6 season either. Ahem..
NU will not be winning any national championships soon, and yes ISU beat us in Lincoln, but I’m pretty sure ISU will be dominated this year by almost every team they play.
NU isnt an amazing team by any standings, but we will take another 10-4 season any year.
ISU is completely irrelevant in college football.
no you won’t. You will spit at 10-4 and talk about how the referees screwed you out of 4 wins and a National Title.
Really? Take off the fucking blinders. If ISU had their starting lineup (ie: not back-ups), then how do we lose to Nebraska’s starters? When we beat them with back-ups? I’m not saying that we’re world-beaters, but jesus titty-fucking christ. If we can beat Nebraska (The ‘N’ stands for Nowledge!) with back ups, we can sure as shit beat them with our starters.
Who the fuck plays 14 games?
@Kevin: Teams that play a full schedule, plus the conference championship game, plus a bowl game.
So your rational is that because last years team beat Nebraska, with several back ups in key positions, that proves this years team can do it ?
Do you actually think before you write ? That’s an horrible logic for your argument.
I’m very keen to the knowledge that Nebraska isn’t an amazing team, I’m not a husker fan that thinks we are back and unstoppable, but I’m not irrational enough to think ISU has any game in the bag. I’ve been to enough ISU games to know its never for sure.
PS: I’m bitter over the Texas game, but I do agree they had time left on the clock. Shit happens.
Before you decide to reply to a comment, perhaps you should read the entire comment and not make assumptions
Nebraska will play in the big twelve championship game this year, not because they are unstoppable, because the rest of the north is pretty pathetic. Isu best Nebraska, and Nebraska still played in the championship game. Isu has gone from only playing the Iowa game each season, to now only playing two games each season.
See ya at the game !
So your argument is that since this year will have different players, it seems outlandish to use last year’s results while changing one condition favorably to your side to predict this year, right?
I agree with that… but apparently you don’t.
Bill: “NU had 8 turnovers, and ISU only had 9 points.. imagine what will happen when they dont have the turnovers next year.”
Aren’t you projecting a game featuring different players by assuming the same conditions as last year but with less TOs? Of course Nebraska likely won’t have 8 turnovers… but here’s a possibility.. Nebraska could have zero turnovers and somehow ISU could score more than 9 points! Mindblowing but possible!
@ Bill, really? You’re beyond pathetic. I really don’t give a shit about how ISU beat Nebbie (and that weird blow up sex doll of a mascot) last year, but saying the only reason they won was because of turnovers, even though half of them weren’t forced, just a retarded WR dropping the ball in the end zone, is terrible.
Here’s the deal. I’ll give you a handie for beating ISU this year if you give me your wife for a day if Nebbie loses. Deal?
ok retard. you might wanna go back and look at the rosters for the games, we also had to replace our starting RB and our second string RB as we were playing with trey robinson whom is our 3rd string RB. good luck this season, you will need it even with your starters.
remember that you won by 2 points while being +8 in turnovers.
Clone62 you are an inch away from being permabanned. Watch your step young man.
Miz, watch my dick penetrate your wife.
Man, this thread is worse than the Utah preview. Who would have thought the Mormon’s would look sane in comparison to Nebraska fans? Maybe it’s time to classify Husker fandom as a cult.
although they’d be sure to make the distinction that they are “the classiest cult in America”!
If it came down to it; they wouldn’t go down like the punk-ass bitches in the Heaven’s Gate cult. Naw, they would go out in style. Red & white tuxedos and evening gowns all the way. Super classy.
mostly funny stuff here. the Go F yourself seemed a bit excessive but thats ok. i am looking forward to some revenge on the field this year. hopefully we can hold onto the ball this time. lol…
Go Big Red.
please do not actually go fuck yourself.
Cyclone fans:
I love that pick of your coach freaking out after the win! Seriously , fills me with pride every time I see it. To know that isu fans and their coach think beating Nebraska is a regular season game is such a huge accomplishment. I mean look at him… You’d think they just won the national championship. That’s a huge compliment to Nebraska.
Maybe he is freaking out because we won without two of our best players and we had people playing that were throwing up in buckets. And i know this doesnt really show how good your defense is but we basically won the game on a fake punt so…
I guess it’s more of a backhanded compliment. Growing up in Iowa, I had to hear about the Huskers & the Hawkeyes constantly. Consequently, it made me hate both teams with a burning passion. As an Ankeny native, I’m sure Rhoads grew up in much the same fashion.
What I’m trying to say is that Rhoads isn’t freaking out just because ISU beat Nebraska in Memorial stadium for the first time in 33 years. It’s more of a giant “fuck you” to your fanbase. So yes, be proud of your fans general crapulence.
If you actually knew the circumstances around that game on the ISU side, maybe you would think before acting ignorant. But then maybe that is too much to expect. Good luck in the Big 11. I can’t wait for ISU to have a two game winning streak against Nebraska for eternity.
@clone62 says
I never stated that ISU won because of turnovers. Actually, I’m pretty sure ISU didn’t really score much on turnovers. The touchdown was from a fake punt. The point I’m making is it is highly unlikely there will be another huge turnover game like that. We killed ourselves from a win by turning it over so many times in the red zone. I’m not saying we lost because of turnovers, see punt comment.
Second: I’ll never fully understand how ISU fans can make fun of mascots. Your mascot is a Cyclone, yet a cyclone is a cardinal? how exactly did that happen.
Yes NU doesnt have an awesome mascot, and I agree it is kinda funny. But we are the cornhuskers, so havign a farmer as a mascot makes sense.
Bill. our mascot is a fucking F2 tornado. Just ask Gary Barnette!
Nebraska should just Smile and Blow ME!!!
Slow clap for all the Husker fans in here.
Husker fan: “we lose our best players, and return some shitty ones, so we’re going to kick your ass”.
Cyclone fan: “but we beat without our 2 best players lest year, and they’re coming back. Your logic doesn’t make sense. You lose great players that made a difference in last year’s game, and get better, and yet we return good players who sat against you last year, and we still beat you, and the games at our place, but somehow we will be worse?”
Husker fan: “ONLY WE CAN USE THAT LOGIC! RESTORE THE ORDER!” (starts convulsing on the floor, and doing what can only be described as an epilleptic attempt to masturbate to a crumbled Tom Osborne photo)
60% of the time, their logic works every time! wait, what?
Hey! Bill can’t even quote correctly! Also, ames husker is a bigger douchebag than Bill, and that takes quite a fucking bit.
Take it easy Bill, you’r making Nebraska look bad. You’re never going to make ISU agree with you that the the 09 win was a fluke, whether it was or it wasn’t! Fact of the matter is, they won, and since it doesn’t happen that often they are relishing the win. Big deal. Let them enjoy it. Yes, if I were a betting man, I’d have my money on Nebraska next year too. But until then, they get the bragging rights.
See? This guy has the right idea, and isn’t a total fuck-tard about it. I’ll give you props, although I don’t agree with your prediction, but at least you’re civil about it (much like many of the people that I’ve met from Nebbie that visit Ames, but drastically different than many people here.)
Clone62
How do you get off calling somone on this page a fuck-tard? or complaining about people being civil? Your the rudest person on this comment list.
Any team can win any game. Its never for sure. I just cant comprehend how some ISU fans can be so cocky about a team that has never accomplished anything in the realm of college football? I understand its your team, and you are a die hard fan, but your almost as bloated and unrealistically cocky as Iowa fans
“your almost as bloated and unrealistically cocky as Iowa fans” [sic]
low blow dude. not cool.
This is funny!
I can hardly stand the Husker fans and I’ve lived in Omaha since 1978. I had never met people who would record the game and then watch it all over again after the live feed was over. I am a founding member of the HFB Club. If you can’t figure out what the acronym stands for you can not be nominated for membership. Our past motos have been ” if you can beat up your girlfriend you can play for us”, “we’ve never met a division two school we did not like” and “it is a long way from the top, but not too far from the bottom.” Bill Calahan was a real plus for members of the HFB Club. We could not get enough of the guy and we cried when he left Lincoln. The Husker program slipped a bit when Tom retired but he had finally collected his national titles by recruiting thugs. He probably decided to move on when realized that it was a lost cause to trying to mentor some of the scum that he was recruiiting. His teams rivaled and then exceeded the Miami Hurricanes by recruiting so many bad apples. Tom’s Huskers certainly captured the All Century Felony and Misdomeaner Team award to close out his career. Bo Pelini sounds like a bad pizza if you say it really fast. Not much flavor and a thin crust. At least he brings intensity to the game. He’ll probably have the opportunity to tell Big Ten coaches that they are f*****s which is what he told Bill Snyder after KSU beat up on the Huskers a few years ago. What a class guy! This was coming from a guy who was aware the the Huskers had rarely pulled their starters until late in many games. Remember those 77-7 games against KU and KSU? Of course the Husker faithfull thought of those blowouts as good football!? The Big Ten schools are going to love the Huskers and their fans. The HFB Club is hoping to confuse 77-7 games for good football if it is at the Huskers expense.
Jesus FUCK. It’s supposed to come off as goddamn satire Nebraska fans. So let me say it again, in case you didn’t get it the first 40 times: YOU FUCKING LOST LAST YEAR! I don’t care if it was because you had 8 turnovers – it means that either NONE of your players (including multiple running backs) could hold onto the ball or else the ISU defense stepped up. And yes, it was against an ISU offense with a backup QB and RB against a defense with a Heisman candidate. No, we haven’t beat your team as much as you beat ours, but given these facts, you were the better team in 2009, AND YOU STILL LOST. It’s called “Losing”. It’s supposed to taste like a shit taco. Get used to it.
I’d also like to point out that one of the main points of the article is that Nebraska fans treat ISU fans as if we should “know our place”. So thanks for actually providing validity to that stereotype. Have fun not being the Big XII Champion AGAIN in 2010.