Sims’ Top 10 Reasons

He will protect this house. Your credit score, on the other hand...notsomuch.

Iowa State decorated defensive back David Sims is currently a “person of interest” in a credit card fraud investigation.  We at WRNL believe Sims will eventually be cleared of any charges (no pun intended), but if he really did make purchases on a credit card that wasn’t his, we’ve come up with some plausible reasons as to why…



Top 10 List – He most likely did nothing wrong, but if he did it was probably because …

1 ) He needed to restock the homeless shelter food supplies before winter.

2 ) Like this clueless chick, he was not aware that texting donations to the Haiti relief fund actually showed up on his bill.

3 ) The credit card actually belonged to King Richard and he was only using it to feed and clothe the children of Sherwood Forest.

4 ) He greatly cared for the Soles4Souls charity, hence the purchases at Foot Locker were a necessary evil.

You, too, can look like a Hawkeye douchebag.

5 ) This is his initiation into Country Boyz Inc (the ISU version of former Hawkeye player Dominique Douglas’ City Boyz Inc. gang).  ———->

6 ) Sims had planned to become the “Big Donor” necessary to get the ball rolling on the Jack Trice south end zone expansion.

7) The philosophy of Nihilism would suggest that this aspect of reality does not exist – there was no credit card. (See what happens when your student-athlete graduation rate is in the top seven nationally – they learn smart stuff.)

8 ) Hookers and blow.

9 ) Sims’ political aspirations inspired him to start up a grassroots stimulus package … giggity

10 ) Sims enjoys reading WRNL so much, that he felt it necessary to buy us a tailgate spot for football season. Thanks Davey, look for us in G7 in the fall!

1 more month ... its almost here ... we can do this.


4 Responses to Sims’ Top 10 Reasons

  1. stevevurt says:

    I hope he like big girls if he is getting his hookers from Ames, big girl capital of Merica! How bad is it that ISU players can’t even commit kol crimes. Why dont them learn to step it up an get into fights in bars, DUIs or stealing shit.

    • CanAzn says:

      Hey now. you’re forgetting about Berryman.

    • I am a Cyentist says:

      “kol crimes?”

      Kings of Leon? Key Opinion Leader? What are you trying to say here?

      Also, pretty sure credit card fraud is “stealing shit,” my man.

      • st8te says:

        at kirkwood they teach those who struggle with spelling to sound things out. Ka – oo – L. obviously he’s referring to “cool” crimes. like punching a cabbie or riding a moped shit canned straight into a police officer

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