Dan Hawkins: The Wind Beneath Greg McDermott’s Wings

Inspired by the recent news of Dan Hawkins asking the University of Colorado Athletic Department for an extension despite going 16-33 over 4 years in the midst of driving the CU football program into the ground, Greg McDermott made a call to Jamie Pollard late Thursday night to request his old job back.

When approached for comment on the validity of the story, McDermott said: “Not only did I request my job back at Iowa State, but I asked that they fire that bum Hoiberg and double my salary. My win percentage at Iowa State is twice Hawkins’ win percentage at CU. If he can ask for an extension, then surely I can ask for a new contract offer and a raise. Iowa State fans think Fred Hoiberg is such a great hire because he got Royce White, Chris Allen, Anthony Booker, and Chris Babb to come to Ames? Did they all forget that I signed LA Pomlee, Clayton Vette, and Wes Eikmeier? Ingrates.”

When reminded that season ticket sales had almost doubled since the arrival of Hoiberg, McDermott commented: “We’ll see what happens when fans realize that Fred Hoiberg won’t be able to match my total of one win over a ranked team in 4 years. That record, as well as the number of transfers out in one season, will be mine forever. Even though I love Creighton and the daily rimjobs they have to give me because my AD couldn’t even get my name correct at my introductory press conference, if Jamie Pollard is smart, he’d do the smart thing and double my salary to come back to Iowa State. I’m a living legend!”

Reports that Jim Walden made a similar request could not be confirmed at this time.

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7 Responses to Dan Hawkins: The Wind Beneath Greg McDermott’s Wings

  1. I am a Cyentist says:

    McDermott then broke into a rousing tribute to the Hawk, singing,

    “Did you ever know that you’re my hero,
    and everything I would like to be?
    I can fly higher than an bluejay,
    ’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.”

    And SCENE.

  2. alanaldaclone says:

    This is serious………right?

  3. 3chris says:

    My name is kg and I endorse this article.

  4. Cloneaday says:

    Isn’t satire generally supposed to be funny?

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