WRNL Has Your Ticket to the Cy-Hawk Game!

Looking to go to the rivalry game in Iowa City this year? Well, we here at WRNL always have your best interests in mind and have just the ticket you’ve been looking for. And if you play your cards right, it sounds like you might even get a handie out of the deal!

Casual encounters are always pretty awkward, but this one looks promising. I mean the main requirements are, “Manners, does not wear knickers or work boots to the game, does not smoke tobacco or chew, and sex is not your middle name”. And although that rules out about 98% of the Hawkeye fanbase, we’re sure that many of our viewers can exceed these already low standards. And lets be honest, this reeks of desperation. This is one of the few women out there who would actually be thankful for the 1 ½ minutes of mediocre lovin’ that any WRNL reader is willing to provide her with. Just be prepared – she’s tall:


Now “sex” is not my middle name, but I feel naked without my knickers, so I’m unfortunately gonna have to let this one pass. But for all of you lonely gents out there that spend your nights watching scrambled Cinemax and combing Facebook for sideboob pics, this one’s for you. So have at it. I’ve heard they have tubs of popcorn at kinnick, so when one of you lands this amazon I recommend going with a little spontaneity! Good luck and godspeed WRNL readers, and if you end up getting married, we would like to be invited to the bachelor party. Dangerous Curves anyone?

Here’s your ticket to the game: Des Moines Craigslist

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From the Desk of the Governor

In response to yesterday’s Craigslist ad, WRNL received countless emails ranging from second-rate athletic conferences extending expansion offers to claims that ISU in fact did not invent the computer. However one response to the ad stuck out above the rest. Our very own state of Iowa Governor Chet Culver sent us his own desire to ensure ISU remains in an AQ conference.

Dear WRNL,

I’m writing in response to your ad I saw on Craigslist today. Your wanted Ad said you had a 152 year old land grant university, I was just wondering at that age what kind of condition it’s in? I also see that it says you are very good at Olympic sports. I just love figure skating, especially that Evan Lysacek, so this definitely interests me. I am also curious about the commissioner you have that’s “free to a good home”. As you probably know, in times of financial crisis you can’t beat free so I’m sure we could find some odd jobs around the capital building for him to head up. Does he have any knowledge of gerrymandering? I believe I might be able to help you in your current situation. See, I have this friend Sally who works for Iowa College. She has a say in who the Big 10 adds to their conference and I’m pretty sure I can push for her to help us out. This could really help I think. Anyway, to show you that I’m seriously interested in your institution, I will make mention of this situation publicly to illustrate my support. Please feel free to email me back at this address if you have any questions. You can call me at the number listed below as well, but not on Tuesdays as I’m a sucker for “The Biggest Loser”. Hope to hear back from you soon.

Signed,

Gov. Chester J. Culver
electCHETagain@iowa.gov
515-555-2010”

Vote for Chet in 2010!

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