Dan Hawkins: The Wind Beneath Greg McDermott’s Wings

Inspired by the recent news of Dan Hawkins asking the University of Colorado Athletic Department for an extension despite going 16-33 over 4 years in the midst of driving the CU football program into the ground, Greg McDermott made a call to Jamie Pollard late Thursday night to request his old job back.

When approached for comment on the validity of the story, McDermott said: “Not only did I request my job back at Iowa State, but I asked that they fire that bum Hoiberg and double my salary. My win percentage at Iowa State is twice Hawkins’ win percentage at CU. If he can ask for an extension, then surely I can ask for a new contract offer and a raise. Iowa State fans think Fred Hoiberg is such a great hire because he got Royce White, Chris Allen, Anthony Booker, and Chris Babb to come to Ames? Did they all forget that I signed LA Pomlee, Clayton Vette, and Wes Eikmeier? Ingrates.”

When reminded that season ticket sales had almost doubled since the arrival of Hoiberg, McDermott commented: “We’ll see what happens when fans realize that Fred Hoiberg won’t be able to match my total of one win over a ranked team in 4 years. That record, as well as the number of transfers out in one season, will be mine forever. Even though I love Creighton and the daily rimjobs they have to give me because my AD couldn’t even get my name correct at my introductory press conference, if Jamie Pollard is smart, he’d do the smart thing and double my salary to come back to Iowa State. I’m a living legend!”

Reports that Jim Walden made a similar request could not be confirmed at this time.

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All-Time Iowa State “Notorious” Team

Yesterday, our favorite Cyclone related web site that reports real news published an article about the Top 5 All-Time Cyclone Men’s Basketball players.  We found the list to be rather… timid… so we came up with our own.  These men all represent the ideals we uphold here at WRNL and would be a great fit for any beer chugging, hash smoking, amateur posturing rec league in the country.

Without further adieu, we give you the All-Time Iowa State “Notorious” Team:

PG: Tim Barnes – This man loved his hash. He loved his hash so much he only played one year for the Cyclones. Fortunately he is probably still around to supply our current athletes with all their “needs”.

No doubt chasing down some BK...

SG: John Neal – Made an entire career out of two shots. If I did that I would have a full time career as a Chippendale dancer.

SF: Sam Mack – You robbed a Burger King through a drive thru window. How can you not make this list?

PF: Kenny Pratt – It takes a special kind of man to play with the desire that Pratt did. It takes an even more special kind of man to try and fight two cops while handcuffed.

C: Andrew Skoglund – If you ever wanted to see what Andre the Giant looked like playing basketball… with less mass, less skill, and less French… look no further.

Coming off the Bench…
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