The Side Effect Of Hiring “The Mayor”

when fred comes a callin, the panties go a fallin!

The hiring of new Men’s head basketball coach Fran McCaffrey at the University of Iowa was intended to be the big splash of the basketball off-season. It was the Hawkeyes’ time to shine and their opportunity to finally garner media attention surrounding their program that didn’t include analogies such as; “saying this team sucks is an insult to prostitutes across Johnson county” or “if a team wins at Carver Hawkeye, and no one’s there to see it, did it really happen?” Everything appeared to be going great in Iowa City, until the day that Iowa State was blessed with the resignation of one Greg McDermott. Shortly there after, ISU Athletic Director Jaime Pollard lifted himself to Godfather type status by hiring hometown hero Fred Hoiberg. Yes the hiring of Hoiberg has caused a bit of a stir in the Ames community, mostly involving increased rates of panty wetness that rivals that of N’Sync concerts in the late 90’s, but that’s nothing compared to how it has affected the Hawkeyes. The hiring has been seen to be much more problematic over in Iowa City. Iowa Football Coach Kirk Ferentz was even quoted as saying, “We will handle the problem internally”. This type of statement by Ferentz is typically indicative of something gone awry within the athletic department, players forcing themselves on women, or the senseless beating of downtown cab driver. So we know the situation must be serious.

It appears that ISU has stolen Iowa’s last gasp for air at being relevant again in men’s basketball, leaving Hawkeye fans everywhere bitter and even more inclined than before to accost children, the elderly, and even animals at the blank park zoo (we all know that story was true) with their pent up rage.

Iowa Head Coach Fran McCaffrey has attempted to contact Fred Hoiberg on multiple occasions in hopes of befriending him and learning his ways. But to no avail, he has yet to get a hold of the ISU coach.

WRNL has obtained transcripts of Fran’s messages to Coach Hoiberg:
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