Dan Hawkins: The Wind Beneath Greg McDermott’s Wings

Inspired by the recent news of Dan Hawkins asking the University of Colorado Athletic Department for an extension despite going 16-33 over 4 years in the midst of driving the CU football program into the ground, Greg McDermott made a call to Jamie Pollard late Thursday night to request his old job back.

When approached for comment on the validity of the story, McDermott said: “Not only did I request my job back at Iowa State, but I asked that they fire that bum Hoiberg and double my salary. My win percentage at Iowa State is twice Hawkins’ win percentage at CU. If he can ask for an extension, then surely I can ask for a new contract offer and a raise. Iowa State fans think Fred Hoiberg is such a great hire because he got Royce White, Chris Allen, Anthony Booker, and Chris Babb to come to Ames? Did they all forget that I signed LA Pomlee, Clayton Vette, and Wes Eikmeier? Ingrates.”

When reminded that season ticket sales had almost doubled since the arrival of Hoiberg, McDermott commented: “We’ll see what happens when fans realize that Fred Hoiberg won’t be able to match my total of one win over a ranked team in 4 years. That record, as well as the number of transfers out in one season, will be mine forever. Even though I love Creighton and the daily rimjobs they have to give me because my AD couldn’t even get my name correct at my introductory press conference, if Jamie Pollard is smart, he’d do the smart thing and double my salary to come back to Iowa State. I’m a living legend!”

Reports that Jim Walden made a similar request could not be confirmed at this time.

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GMac – What Could Have Been…

The Greg McDermott era in Ames was plagued by unmet expectation, unanswered questions, and a seemingly never ending revolving door of players. But to say that GMac didn’t leave his mark on the Ames community would be a vast misconception. Sure, the Cyclones posted a meager 59-68 record in four years under his watch. They didn’t make the NCAA tournament, the NIT, or even the laughable CBA. Many would go as far as saying that GMac accomplished nothing during his time at ISU… well I’m here to set the record straight; this couldn’t be any further from the truth.

Post season appearances are not the sole standard of success in the eyes of one Greg McDermott, “I pride myself on my many off court accomplishments”, he said, in an interview earlier this year before his defection to Creighton. During his tenure at Iowa State, GMac took time away from driving the basketball program into the ground in order to set a multitude of records that will most likely stand long after the damaging effects of his coaching have been repaired.

GMac's legacy will never die

In over two dozen Ames and surrounding area bowling alleys, restaurants, and drinking establishments GMac holds the high score in erotic photo hunt. One local bar owner we spoke to told WRNL, “GMac only came in once. He brought with him a single quarter and a bottle of yoohoo. He sat at that machine for over two hours, then got up and left when his drink ran out. After he left I checked the machine, and I’d be a liar if I told you it wasn’t the highest score I’d ever seen”. Having gone a few rounds myself with which many refer to as “titty touch”; I can assure you this is an impressive feat. Comparing and identifying the differences between ingrown hairs and cesarean section scars of penthouse rejects is a daunting task. Being able to perform at such a high level time and time again takes a steady hand, a desire to be the best, and the ability to make precise split second decisions. Had only those skills translated to basketball in any way, Creighton just might have had a chance at making the tournament sometime in the next ten years.

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