A Small Part of Me Died Today

Well, yesterday actually when I chose to stop by campus while passing through Ames.

There’s nothing more beautiful than a walk across the campus of Iowa State University. The beautiful landscape, Lancelot and Elaine paddling across Lake Leverne, colorful Autumn trees, and the Campanile. Oh Campaniling, how I miss thee. So many times you helped initiate a simple midnight kiss that would inevitably turn into an awkward sexual encounter. Looking past the medicated shampoos and penicillin shots, these are fond memories that I will certainly forever cherish.

However, an unsettling black cloud has emerged: one that garnishes a small yet functioning penis

That’s right! Yesterday, “a day that shall live in infamy”, when our precious Campanile struck noon it played to the tune of “Bad Romance” by known skank and master of the hidden genitalia, Lady Gaga. As if the hipsters and flat billed hat wearing toolbags that seem to be popping up everywhere weren’t bad enough, now a once peaceful walk across our beautiful campus has been tarnished by the pitch corrected vocal mind rape that is “Gaga”. Having to suffer through her music at bars and/or when in the presence of a co-ed you’re hoping to seal the deal with is one thing, but to hear it echoing from the very bells that gave us the ode to our alma mater, ughhh!

I wear big glasses to hide my stroke face

However outraged I am by being forced unto diving head first into the bulging crotch of electro-pop while walking the campus yesterday, my abounding love for Iowa State will one day drown out this unfortunate event. But this wound is fresh, and now that abortion of an attempt at music is stuck in my head. Every time I close my eyes I find myself engulfed by a transvestite Mardi Gras of sexual nightmares. Please, make it stop!

Lady Gaga, die in a fire!


10 Responses to A Small Part of Me Died Today

  1. hank says:

    this was indeed a dark moment for Iowa state.

    what’s next, coldplay?

  2. Lightspeed says:

    Anyone remember when they played Big Poppa on it back in the fall of 2002?

  3. ThatGuy says:

    i was also in Ames yesterday.

    • cyssormetimbers says:

      cool story. did you and st8te meet up for lunch/a tonguejacking?

      • ThatGuy says:

        na i just sat around and made fun of the people going to study after the first week of class.

      • cyssormetimbers says:

        those are called “asians”

      • ThatGuy says:

        also a little of base, my wife and I had a nice lunch conversation at Little Taipai about how come it is also the geeky nerd couples that walk around holding hands on campus. They were everywhere yesterday.

  4. normanunderwood says:

    It’s because nerdy geeky couples feel the need to demonstrate to the world that they CAN reproduce.

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