Helmet Stickerzzz

Welcome Cyclone fans (and others who casually read the site) to the first installment of our weekly edition of Helmet Stickerzzz.  While the concept of this article is actually taken from ESPN’s College Football helmet sticker segment (you know the segment where old ass Lou Holtz stutters and spits while placing a sticker on a helmet), our version is focused only on the latest Iowa State game.  If all works out as planned and I’m not sleeping off a hangover equivalent to an F5 tornado you’ll be privy to who I consider the best offensively, defensively, surprise player, and also who comes away with the commemorative Gene Chizik Novelty Coin presented to a player from the opposing team who stood out due to his poor performance or even his tremendous performance causing Iowa State fans to despise him.

Now that I’m finally reeling down from the excitement that came with the opening game against Northern Illinois I’m ready to break things down and award the very first WRNL helmet stickerzzz.

NORTHERN ILLINOIS SEPTEMBER 2, 7:00 PM

FINAL SCORE: Iowa State (1-0, 0-0) 27  Northern Illinois (0-1,0-0) 10

OFFENSIVE WRNL HELMET STICKER:

No doubt in my mind on this one, although there were a few standout players that caught my eye during the opening game.  This helmet sticker clearly goes to Alexander Robinson.

A-Rob began this season right where he left off last season.  He came up just 3 yards short of his first 100 yd rushing game with 97 yards on 19 carries and 2 scores.  That’s 5.1 yards per carry since I know you are too lazy to pull up the calculator on your computer.  He also added 4 receptions for 32 yards.  All of this, against a defense that ranked 35th in rush defense last year, as KnowDan kindly pointed out in his preview.

DEFENSIVE WRNL HELMET STICKER:

I also don’t think there’s much doubt on who deserves the defensive form of our newly created award.  Jake Knott is going to be special ladies and gentlemen.  If last night’s performance was a precursor to the remainder of Jake’s career at Iowa State, we Cyclone fans are in for a treat.  How does 9 tackles, 2 interceptions, and 1 forced fumble sound for your first game starting at linebacker in division 1 football?  You know what I don’t even care how you think it sounds, to me it is a performance deserving of this WRNL helmet sticker.

SURPRISE WRNL HELMET STICKER:

This honestly isn’t much of a surprise to me, more of an honorable mention helmet sticker.  Collin Franklin had himself one hell of a game catching 5 passes for 75 yards.  I foresee him playing an integral role in this offense under Tom Herman and I, for one, am looking forward to it.  Not only does he block and catch well but he had open field moves causing a few jock straps to be left on the field by the opposition.  Who knew white boys could juke so well?

COMMEMORATIVE GENE CHIZIK COIN:

My buddies and I had quite a laugh at Northern Illinois kicker’s expense.  I mean, really how shitty must he feel about his performance?  Guy goes by the name of Michael Cklamovski and is probably better suited as a Russian mail order bride than he is as a kicker.  His official stats are 0 for 2 in field goal attempts but it was a lot worse than that.  At one point he missed 3 consecutive field goals from the same exact spot on the field back to back to back.  He of course was given 3 opportunities because the Cyclones called time outs right before the ball was snapped in order to ice him.  So let me break this down for you.  They line up ready to kick roughly a 30-40 some yard field goal and he misses the kick way wide right after timeout #1.  They line up again and he clanks it off the right upright immediately after timeout #2 was called.  They line up yet again and he pushes it wide left.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, he was then replaced by the backup kicker.

Well there concludes the first segment.  Check back next week when we reveal the winners of this illustrious award for the Iowa State vs. Iowa match up.

Tim Tebow touched by an Angel?

We’re all aware of Tim Tebow’s history of self righteousness, humbleness, and dedication to the lord our God, but skeptics still remained.  Is he really the second coming of Jesus? Or an angel walking amongst us?  I have your answer…

Angels have to eat too

Notice any similarities?  Tebow’s rookie haircut is a striking resemblance to the crown of thorns Jesus Christ himself wore before his crucifixion.  Coincidence?  I think not.  It’s a sign people!!!  Jesus is here again in the form of a professional football player!  And here I thought all those “eulogies” during post game interviews were pointless because God doesn’t really care that you were able to win 3 straight games.  Think again….

On Second thought…the Knicks still suck and Jared Jeffries’ entire career is proof God probably doesn’t care.  Either that or God must have forwarded all Jared Jeffries’ emails to the spam folder.

Ten Things That Say “I Love You Dad!”

With Father’s Day just around the corner the WRNL crew has compiled a can’t miss list of ideas to get your old man for Father’s Day. Seriously, you get your dad any of the below list…you could probably total his car and he wouldn’t care.

1. Take Dad to a baseball game, the perfect family atmosphere; the state of Iowa offers some great major minor league teams!

Ahh...the joys of golfing

2. Round of golf on you.  What better place to inconspicuously pick up women?

3. Surprise your father with a trip to Sniffers Row at your local strip club.  Nothing says father/son bonding like silicone in your face and astroglide scent on your clothes

4. Buy your old man a 30-pack of Natty Light and some earplugs to silence the outside world

5. Hook your father up with a year’s subscription to the Playboy channel (or magazine) and provide him with some quality alone time

6. Mow the lawn for him even though he will probably use the spare time to do something crazy like landscaping

7. Give your Dad a gift that will keep giving long after Father’s Day…buy your Mom the shake weight

It's like a gift from God!

8. Cook him a steak, pour him some beer, and hand him the remote.  Simple, yet proven

9. If you have a sister, do your dad a solid by beating the crap out of her boyfriend

10. Really go and wreck his car.  He may be pissed at first but once you make him realize he can use it as an excuse to spend time in the garage away from you and the wife he’ll bear hug you on the spot

Blogs From Afar

This is what 30 seconds in Paint looks like

We just stumbled upon this gem while searching the vast world of the interwebz.  We cannot take any credit for this magnificent piece but sincerely enjoyed the read and wanted to help extend its horizon by letting our readers in on it.

You can find the blog in its entirety at Kansas State’s version of WRNL, Bring On The Cats.  Here is the direct link to the blog.

Enjoy!

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Behind closed doors at the Big 12’s annual meetings, the boys got together to hash out the topics of the day. You know…important things like where we’re going to hold the Women’s Basketball tournament for the next three years.

Just kidding.  Only Baylor cares about that.

Anyway, everyone knows that’s not what was on everyone’s mind. And, thankfully, through the power of ‘multiple sources’, we have a strong report of what happened when the gang got together in Kansas City this week.

Enjoy. It may be the last time this current group gets together for their usual shenanigans.

Uncovering Ralphie’s Secret Love Triangle

When I was asked to research the rumored relationship between Colorado’s beloved mascot Ralphie and macho bull ‘Bevo’ from Texas I was giddy with delight.  The chance to not only talk with both of the historic live mascots but also discover the storied past between the two was a welcomed opportunity.  While many would consider both of them fearsome creatures, once you get to know them (especially Ralphie) they are rather gentle and loving.

Being that there are only two live mascots residing in the Big Twelve it was only natural for the two to hook up and see where things went.  It all started one lonely night in the stables 9 years ago where each found themselves entertaining the other during a torrential yet soothing thunderstorm.  It began as nothing more than a friendship; random calls to discuss the day’s events, a beer at the local watering trough, and the occasional graze at dusk to catch the sunset.  It didn’t take long, however, for things to grow intimate.

Welcome “Home” Chris Babb!

Well it’s officially official of the most official sense.  Chris Babb is coming home to the Midwest.  Apparently he didn’t get the memo about the Big Twelve Armageddon soon to come to fruition.  When everyone is running towards the B10 from the B12, Chris is running the opposite way in hopes of saving the world…let’s hope so anyway.

Hoiberg's Ace in the hole

I’ve got on good word from a very reliable dentist of mine that head coach Fred Hoiberg was able to convince Chris to come to Iowa State via multiple techniques, some of them subtle, others not so much.  In this industry, anything is free game unless you openly violate the recruiting bylaws Jon Calipari style, and even then you’re pretty much just labeled as a scumbag dickless wonder and everyone moves on.  So when Hoiberg had his one and only shot to secure the transfer of Chris Babb from the Quaker capital of the world what did he offer him?  Livestock.  That’s right: cows, pigs, goats and mini horses. Knowing Chris’ love for the Midwest lifestyle, Hoiberg felt it necessary to personally pick Chris up from the airport in his brand new classic ‘Waterloo Boy’ John Deere tractor.  Believe me when I say, Chris’ eyes lit up like a Canadian seeing a frozen pond for the first time.