A Small Part of Me Died Today

Well, yesterday actually when I chose to stop by campus while passing through Ames.

There’s nothing more beautiful than a walk across the campus of Iowa State University. The beautiful landscape, Lancelot and Elaine paddling across Lake Leverne, colorful Autumn trees, and the Campanile. Oh Campaniling, how I miss thee. So many times you helped initiate a simple midnight kiss that would inevitably turn into an awkward sexual encounter. Looking past the medicated shampoos and penicillin shots, these are fond memories that I will certainly forever cherish.

However, an unsettling black cloud has emerged: one that garnishes a small yet functioning penis…

That’s right! Yesterday, “a day that shall live in infamy”, when our precious Campanile struck noon it played to the tune of “Bad Romance” by known skank and master of the hidden genitalia, Lady Gaga. As if the hipsters and flat billed hat wearing toolbags that seem to be popping up everywhere weren’t bad enough, now a once peaceful walk across our beautiful campus has been tarnished by the pitch corrected vocal mind rape that is “Gaga”. Having to suffer through her music at bars and/or when in the presence of a co-ed you’re hoping to seal the deal with is one thing, but to hear it echoing from the very bells that gave us the ode to our alma mater, ughhh!

I wear big glasses to hide my stroke face

However outraged I am by being forced unto diving head first into the bulging crotch of electro-pop while walking the campus yesterday, my abounding love for Iowa State will one day drown out this unfortunate event. But this wound is fresh, and now that abortion of an attempt at music is stuck in my head. Every time I close my eyes I find myself engulfed by a transvestite Mardi Gras of sexual nightmares. Please, make it stop!

Lady Gaga, die in a fire!

It’s gonna hurt deep

The Most Interesting Coach in the World

His presence in the game of football is what keeps Favre coming back

If at first he does not succeed, then it is impossible

Webster recently added a silent “h” to the word “road”

He’s had 3 different vasectomies attempted, none of which were successful

Alien abductors have asked him, to probe them

Even Hawkeye fans are polite when in his presence, well kinda

Paul Rhoads is, The Most Interesting Coach in the World!

“Stay thirsty for football my friends”

WRNL Has Your Ticket to the Cy-Hawk Game!

Looking to go to the rivalry game in Iowa City this year? Well, we here at WRNL always have your best interests in mind and have just the ticket you’ve been looking for. And if you play your cards right, it sounds like you might even get a handie out of the deal!

Casual encounters are always pretty awkward, but this one looks promising. I mean the main requirements are, “Manners, does not wear knickers or work boots to the game, does not smoke tobacco or chew, and sex is not your middle name”. And although that rules out about 98% of the Hawkeye fanbase, we’re sure that many of our viewers can exceed these already low standards. And lets be honest, this reeks of desperation. This is one of the few women out there who would actually be thankful for the 1 ½ minutes of mediocre lovin’ that any WRNL reader is willing to provide her with. Just be prepared – she’s tall:

Now “sex” is not my middle name, but I feel naked without my knickers, so I’m unfortunately gonna have to let this one pass. But for all of you lonely gents out there that spend your nights watching scrambled Cinemax and combing Facebook for sideboob pics, this one’s for you. So have at it. I’ve heard they have tubs of popcorn at kinnick, so when one of you lands this amazon I recommend going with a little spontaneity! Good luck and godspeed WRNL readers, and if you end up getting married, we would like to be invited to the bachelor party. Dangerous Curves anyone?

Here’s your ticket to the game: Des Moines Craigslist

Réflexions D’un Fou – Part Deux

Editor’s Note: This is a series featuring our resident half-competent 27 year old senile person. When we aren’t making him do tricks for food, or shooting him with paintball guns for amusement, he spends his time chained up in the basement with his 13 inch tube TV, an Apple IIGS (he loves his Oregon Trail), and his thoughts. We present his chronicles to our readers here. Actual sports content will vary, but we promise the mental capacity of the writer will remain constant. The articles will appear unedited (to prove that the American education system is awesome) and continue for as long as LeCrazy is mentally capable, or sees a shiny red ball and chases it across a street, resulting in getting hit by a car.

Baseball Caps.

This rant goes out to the dbags that think a straight billed hat is awesome. You sir are a fucking tool.
It actually gets better when said tool flips the hat to the side and fails to remove the stickers on the hat that are on the bill. Are you a walking promotional for New Era? Some how I doubt it. Are you getting paid to promote the stickers on the Lid you are sporting? I doubt it you fucking tool. You guys piss me off, you people who do this are no doubt the lowest form of human existence. JC I am so sick and tired of seeing this crap….. Its not a good look. My blood pressure probably went up after writing this. So if I have a stroke you know who to blame it on. If you know this guy or dont punch him in the face, I actually wouldnt be offended if you sacrificed his man hood.

Fuck it…….. My rant is over

Reason number 1,731 why flat billed hats are super gay: K-Fed wears them

Ed Hardy makes cologne now too, so you can actually smell like a douche

First Annual WRNL Golf Outing

Look Boobies

  

Wide Right & Natty Lite recently held its first annual golf outing at a central Iowa golf course.  A golf course which will not be named because this group is no longer allowed there because we were,  ” overly intoxicated, you have lack of golf etiquette and a general lack of maturity,” as the club house manager told us as he escorted us to the drunk bus.

 

 

 Overall it was a great experience, many people had to walk with their dong exposed because they could not hit the ball past the ladies tee.  Many fairways were driven on in non 90 degree angle fashion and one green was actually driven upon, drawing the ire of LeCrazy and the grounds crew.  Beers were drank, beer cart girls were hit on and offended with regularity….good times!

  

Walking with a group of 5 is not advised if WRNL is the group behind you

  

We look forward to pissing off all of our bosses again next year by calling in sick,  getting drunk and trying to play some golf.  Leave a comment if you like to partake in some of the fun next time.  

***WRNL will not monetarily help you out if you end up in jail or get divorced because you went to the golf outing, we’re looking at you cjwick***  

Flippin Flop Fest

Flopping … even at its best, its still a bitch move.  At its worst – its something truely special and magnificent to behold.  Ladies and Gents, read on for WRNL’s tribute to The Flop.

Warrior Baron Davis takes a phantom elbow from Utah’s Momet Okur.

Polorizing Dukey Greg Paulus get knocked on his ass … by the slight breeze from his opponents running past.  The laugh track is a bit lame, but the clip is worth the price of admission.

Celebrities Should Be Playing Sports Instead of Doing Whatever It Is They Do

WRNL receives loads of emails and comments from our readers every day. Most are either hate mail, notices of copyright infringement, and/or sexual advances. But every now and again a loyal reader submits to us a piece of their own that they deem worthy of gracing the pages of Wide Right Natty Lite. This is one of those submissions. Thank you miley CYrus for supporting WRNL and putting off your Emma Goldman Clinic visit for a couple of hours in order to write us a little somethin’ somethin’.

"Poke-her-face?” yea, were talking about a penis

Lady gaga – soccer: Although lady gaga has no doubt become a pop icon in the last few years, the speculation regarding her genitalia has been a bigger controversy than her crazy outfits. With that said, for the sake of this article we will assume she has a small, but nonetheless present, fully functioning penis. Having a small penis makes her quicker on the field since she doesn’t have to deal with the chaffing problem that most Europeans have to deal with, save the foreskin debate for another day. Another factor in her corner that makes her a good candidate for any soccer team is that she happens to be smaller than almost every player of Latin decent. Her small stature makes her aerodynamic, shifty, and difficult to catch with an unexpected head butt. She could definitely hang with the boys, in more ways than one.