Always Sunny Premiere Spawns ISU/Iowa Actor Challenge

If you’re a fan of WRNL then it’s more than probable that you also enjoy the misadventures of the gang at Paddy’s Pub from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” Nothing makes a knitting session fly by more effortlessly than Sweet Dee skanking up the joint. FX has recently released some sneak preview clips to this upcoming season, premiering Sept. 16, and it has gotten me more excited than Paul Shirley when he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

The McPoyles - ISU alumnus Nate Mooney at far right.

Making the premiere even more enticing to WRNL nation is the reappearance of Iowa State alumnus Nate Mooney as Ryan McPoyle (see 44 seconds into the Halloween clip when he spills on Sweet Dee). Congratulations, Nate, you and your Iowa State aerospace engineering degree have taken you right to the upper echelon of television greatness. I really don’t know where you could go from here, I mean, you’re already on the greatest show ever made.

Maybe Mooney could take a page out of University of Iowa engineering drop out Ashton Kutcher’s playbook and start kicking out the worst possible movies ever scripted and then start banging Bruce Willis’ leftovers. I heard Brooke Burns is available. Thankfully for Mooney, the only thing he has in common with Kutcher is that he plays a douche bag on Always Sunny and Kutcher is one.

With the Iowa State vs. Iowa game taking place the weekend before the Always Sunny premiere, we at WRNL think it would be apt to issue a challenge to Mr. Kutcher on behalf of Mr. Mooney and the gang at Paddy’s Pub. The game: Flippy Cup. The Stakes: Loser has to quit acting and never return to the state that they have shamed over and over again by making shitty movies. The choice is yours, Ashton.

Big East Regret

Now that all the conference realignment talk has died down, I can unburden my soul. I really wanted Iowa State to join the Big East. Why? So I can get one of these bad boys whenever I go watch a road game.

Jamie, if you’re listening, there’s still time.

Texas State Wants In On Expansion Talks

Texas State Dean Phillip Elias announced Thursday evening his intentions to seek government intervention to stop the exodus of Texas schools from the Big 12 to the Pac 10 without the involvement of the Fighting Armadillos.

A photo from better days, Paul Blake, Andre Krimm and Samorai Hansen.

Unaffiliated with any conference since sanctions rocked the program in the early 90s, the Fighting Armadillo football team has struggled to stay relevant during the unprecedented 20-year ban. Fielding a team of rag-tag non-scholar athletes, they’ve amassed a record of 5-235 in that time.

“I’m not going to say that this has been easy for any of us involved,” said Dean Elias in an exclusive WRNL interview. “With our sanctions now lifted and the possibility of playing in something other than a high school stadium on the horizon, we feel we have just as much to offer the Pac 10’s of the world as any other school in this state. Including the ‘by God’ Texas Longhorns. We won’t be left behind.”

Just Another Day in Hazzard County

They should really think about taking the keys away from Eddie Sutton.

There’s Never Enough Time

GeronimusClone’s Bucket List of things to do just got smaller. Gonna miss you, Rue. You were more than a pal and a confidant; you were a friend. Natty Lights all around in remembrance.

Rag Does it Again

According to the Des Moines Register, Paul Gray is still alive - having died from nothing. Top notch journalism in our opinion. In all seriousness, the maggots at WRNL wish that were true.

Shirley Named Humanitarian of the Year

Paul Shirley, Humanitarian

Internet blog FlipCollective named former Iowa State University basketball player and NBA journeyman, Paul Shirley, Humanitarian of the Year this past weekend. In a press release, the site noted “Shirley’s exhaustive and impassioned work towards the eradication of homeless children in Haiti” as the main reason for his receiving the honor.

FlipCollective’s founder, Paul Shirley, was available for an exclusive Skype interview with WRNL over the weekend.

Even during his time at Iowa State, Shirley was passionate about Haitian children.

“It humbles and excites me to present myself with this award after my tireless work with the Haitians,” Shirley said. “I feel like there has been a lot of misunderstanding in the past six months when it comes to my work and I’m glad that I and the good people at FlipCollective decided to give me this award. This should put to bed the ‘Paul Shirley hates Haiti’ sentiment out there.”

Embroiled in controversy since writing what seemed to be an ill-timed and cruel article about the relief effort in Haiti after the area was rocked by the worst earthquake in 200 years, Shirley hopes to clear the air about his comments.

“When I asked the Haitians to ‘use a condom once in a while,’ I was really just showing my concern for the growing population of homeless children across the world, not being the unconscionable dick that it appeared,” Shirley remarked while styling his hair in a nearby mirror. “I mean, Paul Shirley wears condoms all the time with chicks way hotter than you or any Haitian is ever going to land. I do it because I don’t want to leave behind a homeless child, not because I am afraid of STDs or something like that. Besides, no woman has yet to earn the Shirley seed.”

Although Shirley never donated a dime to the relief effort, he feels that his contributions can be measured monetarily.

“Do you know how many people I pissed off with that article? I bet people were donating in spite of me. You’re welcome, Haiti.”

Johnny Orr, All-Time ISU Badass

Just because it’s Monday and it’s always nice to start the week off with Johnny Orr telling Dick Vitale what he really thinks. Thank you, Johnny, for being the one who wouldn’t let Hilton be tainted with Vitale’s stench.