Kansas City, MO – Big 12 Athletic Directors are meeting with Dan Beebe to discuss the viability of the Big 12 after Colorado and Nebraska announced their departures.
DeLoss Dodds, evil genius.
DeLoss Dodds: Well boys, your GodKing Deloss Dodds is gonna tell you, we had a hell of a run with y’all, but we’re getting the hell up outta town. That sumbitch Larry Scott gave Texas a sweeeeeeeet deal. DeLoss gets golden slippers and a lifetime supply of aspercreme! Oh, and Texas gets some extra money too. By the way, where’s that daggum Baylor at?
Dan Beebe: Something about shabbas, I don’t know..
Lew Perkins: Awww crap. This is gonna be a bad year for me. First Mangino, then UNI, then the ticket scalping fiasco. Now I gotta tell my fans that even though we have one of the best sports programs in the nation in men’s basketball, we’re probably going wherever those bottom feeding Cyclones and those Benedict Arnold-esque Missouri assbags are going? I might as well change my name to Kanzaz to be douchey like them.
Jamie Pollard: Man, even Fred Hoiberg can’t save me on this… Good thing I have that sex tape I made with Paul Tagliabue’s wife for blackmail. We going to the Big East yo!
John Currie: Can we come too? We’re really really good at academics!
Pollard: Aren’t you guys Tier 3? Eh, Whatever, why the hell not? I love me some Frank Martin.
Perkins: JP, I know you probably hate me, so if I announce my retirement, can we come too? Please?
Pollard – Only if you get me some courtside tickets for some NCAA tourney games next year.. I know you can scalp me some…
(door flies open)