Some Cyclones Can’t Wait Until Next Week

Looks like the Iowa City based Cyclones have had enough with the hype and are taking things into their own hands.

The white truck is obviously driven by a Cyclone fan and the guy on the moped… starting (now injured) Hawkeye center Josh Koeppel (he’s fine folks we aren’t that heartless)

Ouch, get well soon… well, after week two

Baseball Update

We here at WRNL like to keep our readers up to date on all things Cyclone. Although not our most popular sport, we feel that Baseball is equally deserving of our attention as Football, Basketball, or off the field athlete shananigans.

We Still do not have a team

We will update you as news breaks regarding ISU baseball. Stay tuned…

Bobby Lutz-stache-off!!!

In honor of the hiring of assistant head coach Bobby Lutz to the Cyclone Basketball program WRNL had a “Lutz-stache-off”.  We asked our Facebook followers to submit images of people rocking Lutz quality mustaches with the promise of fame and riches for the best one. Well – consider the ‘fame’ part checked off the list, we’re sure the riches will follow any minute now.  Not that you Facebook ingrates deserve either one with such a shitty low participation rate.  In fact, we could name one of you a winner and the other guy would be the loser, you lazy sonsabitches.   (please keep following us – we know you like it rough)

Lutz-stache competitors

The mustached maniac himself - Bobby Lutz

I think even Bobby himself would agree that Bill Fennelly pulls off a mean fu manchu.  In fact, WRNL would like to encourage Bill to grow it out – it would easily intimidate its way to 3 or 4 more wins each season. 

One thing is certain, in a Lutz-stache-off everyone is a winner.

Sunday’s Big 12 Conference Meeting

Kansas City, MO – Big 12 Athletic Directors are meeting with Dan Beebe to discuss the viability of the Big 12 after Colorado and Nebraska announced their departures.

DeLoss Dodds, evil genius.

DeLoss Dodds: Well boys, your GodKing Deloss Dodds is gonna tell you, we had a hell of a run with y’all, but we’re getting the hell up outta town. That sumbitch Larry Scott gave Texas a sweeeeeeeet deal. DeLoss gets golden slippers and a lifetime supply of aspercreme! Oh, and Texas gets some extra money too. By the way, where’s that daggum Baylor at?

Dan Beebe: Something about shabbas, I don’t know..

Lew Perkins: Awww crap. This is gonna be a bad year for me. First Mangino, then UNI, then the ticket scalping fiasco. Now I gotta tell my fans that even though we have one of the best sports programs in the nation in men’s basketball, we’re probably going wherever those bottom feeding Cyclones and those Benedict Arnold-esque Missouri assbags are going? I might as well change my name to Kanzaz to be douchey like them.

Jamie Pollard: Man, even Fred Hoiberg can’t save me on this… Good thing I have that sex tape I made with Paul Tagliabue’s wife for blackmail. We going to the Big East yo!

John Currie: Can we come too? We’re really really good at academics!

Pollard: Aren’t you guys Tier 3? Eh, Whatever, why the hell not? I love me some Frank Martin.

Perkins: JP, I know you probably hate me, so if I announce my retirement, can we come too? Please?

Pollard – Only if you get me some courtside tickets for some NCAA tourney games next year.. I know you can scalp me some…

(door flies open)

Big 12 Survives!!!

According to Chip Brown, Andy Staples, and ESPN, the Big 12 is staying together. Pac-10 Commissioner Larry Scott also announced that Texas has declined their Pac-10 invite. Most importantly, the Texas athletic department has made it official. Press conference for 10 AM Tuesday.

It’s a great day to be a Cyclone. Sound off in the comments!

WRNL Featured On In The Bleachers Expansion Podcast

Wide Right & Natty Light appeared on an In The Bleachers Podcast Thursday afternoon to talk some conference expansion, and all other things Cyclone. Have a listen, and check out the other material on the site, as they definitely known their stuff over there.

See, we can come off as something other than drunken degenerates every once in a while!

From the Desk of the Governor

In response to yesterday’s Craigslist ad, WRNL received countless emails ranging from second-rate athletic conferences extending expansion offers to claims that ISU in fact did not invent the computer. However one response to the ad stuck out above the rest. Our very own state of Iowa Governor Chet Culver sent us his own desire to ensure ISU remains in an AQ conference.

“Dear WRNL,

I’m writing in response to your ad I saw on Craigslist today. Your wanted Ad said you had a 152 year old land grant university, I was just wondering at that age what kind of condition it’s in? I also see that it says you are very good at Olympic sports. I just love figure skating, especially that Evan Lysacek, so this definitely interests me. I am also curious about the commissioner you have that’s “free to a good home”. As you probably know, in times of financial crisis you can’t beat free so I’m sure we could find some odd jobs around the capital building for him to head up. Does he have any knowledge of gerrymandering? I believe I might be able to help you in your current situation. See, I have this friend Sally who works for Iowa College. She has a say in who the Big 10 adds to their conference and I’m pretty sure I can push for her to help us out. This could really help I think. Anyway, to show you that I’m seriously interested in your institution, I will make mention of this situation publicly to illustrate my support. Please feel free to email me back at this address if you have any questions. You can call me at the number listed below as well, but not on Tuesdays as I’m a sucker for “The Biggest Loser”. Hope to hear back from you soon.

Signed,

Gov. Chester J. Culver
electCHETagain@iowa.gov
515-555-2010”

Vote for Chet in 2010!

UPDATE: Desperate Times

Craigslist recently contacted WRNL stating that the “Wanted: Athletic Conference” post we discovered earlier was flagged for removal due to the ridiculous traffic Craiglist was receiving from the Big Sky and Sun Belt conferences, putting a strain on bandwidth. Turns out there are actually some suitors for the Cyclones, but much to the chagrin of ISU fans, and delight of wannabe Guido Hawkeye fans, no inquiries were filed on behalf of the Big 10 or Pac 10 Conferences, despite our stellar academics and riot proficiency. Maryland fans are said to be quite angry about being shown up and planning the largest riot in college history next month in response. Luckily, WRNL was able to capture a screenshot of the ad before it went down. Click for full view.