Know Your Enemy Part 7: University of Oklahoma

Welcome to the 7th part of WRNL’s look at a 2010 ISU Football opponent.

Stadium: The Sooners take the field at one of at least 6 Big 12 Stadiums to be named “Memorial Stadium”.  We get it, you want to memorialize something/one, but who damnit?  WHO?

Wait? Is this the wrong Memorial Stadium? Fucking IT guy, I tell ya...

Memorial Stadium is located in lovely Norman, Oklahoma, which is home to a big fucking casino right off the interstate, warm beer, and Toby Keith.  Thanks for that one Oklahoma.  Now the rest of the world thinks all Americans are borderline retarded tone-deaf rednecks with bad haircuts.

Seriously, Oklahoma. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Another thing that Sooner fans excel at is crying on National Television.   Allow me to demonstrate:

Mommy! Mack Brown stole my lunch money!

INCONFUCKINGSOLABLE! Seriously, it's a football game you little pussy!

She's probably more upset about being blacklisted from Old Country Buffet than anything

When they aren’t crying and writing terrible songs about putting boots up people’s asses, the good people of Oklahoma are busy putting their beer in the fridge, and waiting for it to get cold, because Oklahoma doesn’t sell cold beer.

MASCOT: OU’s nickname is the Sooners.  The Sooner were a bunch of dirty, cheating bastards. To honor this, OU chose the sweetest fucking mascot ever:  The Sooner Schooner!

Frat Boys, roofies, and excitable horses do NOT mix.

As everyone knows,  a schooner is a sailboat.  Apparently, when they were too busy kicking Native Americans out of the last place the US Government would let them live in peace, the original Sooners neglected to realize this.

TEAM: OU pretty much has a killer team every year, but last year they slipped a tad, only winning one more game than ISU.  They do return everybody from that team, save Gerald McCoy, so they should be tough as usual, but if there’s any year the Clones have a snowball’s chance in hell to win in Norman, this is it.  OU is lead by Bob Stoops, who is probably the biggest douche bag in the Big 12.  His style is totally “wasted inappropriate fraternity alumni trying to act like he’s 20” chic.

Nice visor, shithead.

Not only is Stoopsy a former Hawkeye, he also likes to go all David Carradine in big games.

AGAINST ISU: I’m not even going to bother looking this up.  OU has fucking murdered us over the past 80 years.  It’s so bad that there’s a scene in Back to the Future II, where Biff is driving around, catching sports scores over the radio (back in 1955) and the radio announcer reads a score of “Oklahoma 48, Iowa State 3”.  Pretty much par for the course.  So you may be asking yourself:  “how do fans of a team that hasn’t won the conference since the Titanic sank rip a perrenial national title contender?”  Well, friends, I present to you Exhibit A:

Seriously kids, crack kills.

Your honor, the defense rests.


33 Responses to Know Your Enemy Part 7: University of Oklahoma

  1. tx_chica says:

    Brilliant!!!! I’m giggling like a mental patient.

  2. lol at isu (vagina/obvious bandwagoner) says:

    What does Iowa State know about big games? 2002 ring a bell, better just be happy you won’t be writing these previews about MAC schools next year.. Enjoy your 40 point beatdown!

    • I am a Cyentist says:

      Someone from Oklahoma doesn’t understand jokes…

      Great work as usual, WRNL. Bob Stoops=40 year old frat-dad? Spot on.

  3. wishIwerefrom IowsState (vagina) says:

    pretty funny actually. a good job of turning bitterness into humor. Rock on ISU, wish we could be you!

  4. Al says:

    You guys know they made fun of themselves too, right? OU fans take jokes about as well as Mormons. MORMONS.

  5. Steve says:

    Good stuff! Very very funny! Good smack. See ya in Norman!

  6. Sam Bradford says:

    They do return everybody from that team, save Gerald McCoy, so they should be tough as usual

    Except for Jermaine Gresham, Trent Williams and both corners, great point.

    Oh yeah, I’m a Ram now, too.

  7. normanunderwood says:

    You don’t count Sam. You played like 2 whole quarters.

  8. cyloboclone says:

    Doesn’t Toby Keith look like Vincent D’Onofrio from The Cell?

    • I am a Cyentist says:

      I got more of an evangelical-pedophile vibe from that photo; not so much a serial killer with an albino fetish. But who knows from the guy who sang “We’ll put a boot up yer ass, it’s the Ahh-merican WAAAYYYY!!!!!”

  9. Soonerram says:

    I have to admit – nice slams. Well played. Now go get your effin’ shnebox!

  10. shnebox says:

    what’s a “shnebox” … is that some type of schooner / chuckwagon type of deal ?

  11. Iowasooner says:

    I understand the bitterness in your humor…and being born and educated in Iowa (although graduating from OU)…I can laugh both ways. However, Iowa State won’t be making OU’s “Know your Enemy” list in the near future. Sad isn’t it?

    • shnebox says:

      and this is why you can’t take hawk fans anywhere nice … its a season in review thread mormon, everyone does them and ISU will be included on OUs this year.

  12. Brett says:

    When something in this country is named “Memorial” it is for fallen soldiers. OU’s stadium was dedicated to WW I and sometime after WW II it was dedicated to both. Naming something is the least we can do to respect those who died for us. I like a good joke, but this should not be the target.

  13. UIS (vagina) says:

    Why Iowa State can’t beat OU… Exhibit A

    And B

    ……. if your basketball players cry I can just imagnie what your football players do.

    BTW…. Tell Mr. Wallace to come to to Norman and pick up his Heisman he left out on the field.

  14. huskerjeff says:

    lol…very funny. i look forward to see how you rip my huskers.

    • st8te says:

      it will involve lots of fat girls jokes. and most likely the pelinni brothers making angry love to one another.

      consider this a sneak peak!

  15. Burnt Orange Brother says:

    I can get on board with Iowa State… hell anyone who can put a verbal beatdown like this on OU is okay in my book.

    Honestly, Ames doesn’t totally suck. I’ve been there a few times. The Brasier? Is that the name of the place? Pretty good food. A few good bars.

    Yeah… I rate and your school and town: “not suck”. Fine work young man. Fine work.

  16. khaz (vagina) says:

    Looks like you put alot of effort into this,, now how about you try winning a few games

  17. Snowball's Chance in Hell (vagina) says:

    OU pretty much has a killer team every year, but last year they slipped a tad, only winning one more game than ISU. They do return everybody from that team, save Gerald McCoy, so they should be tough as usual, but if there’s any year the Clones have a snowball’s chance in hell to win in Norman, this is it.

    Stoops is 66-2 in Norman and currently has the nation’s longest home winning streak (30).

    Just sayin.

  18. Really funny…and mostly true! How do we know Oklahome sucks? (because Texas hasn’t yet slipped into the Gulf of Mexico). Old one, I know…but also mostly true!

  19. Terry Cox says:

    I attended both schools, and though this was very funny. The last picture (Crack Kills) looked like the Iowa State Homecoming queen from the year I was there.

  20. Andrew says:

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure all Memorial Stadiums in the Big 12 are named for the fallen in WWI and WWII. And you should probably at least find an actual picture of Oklahoma Memorial Stadium, not KU’s Memorial Stadium.

  21. ThatGuy says:

    sigh….Oklahoma you are better than us, we know this.

    Although calling people that can’t take jokes “Mormons” is heeelarious.

  22. SPECTRE says:

    I find it funny that with every one of these, there’s a bunch of offended fans who don’t take the time to see that they’re doing this with EVERY team on the schedule. Man, learn how to take a joke and laugh at yourselves.

  23. OU Student says:

    Good stuff, for the most part. I understand the Stoops bashing, given his Iowa ties, but by all accounts he’s a great guy. And for the record, Oklahoma DOES sell cold beer, but a. only in gas stations and grocery stores, and b. it’s 3.2% (Coors, Budweiser, etc.). “Liquor store beer” (Sam Adams, PBR, etc.) is not served cold. So there’s our retarded alcohol laws. We can’t even sell wine at grocery stores!

  24. Backfire! says:

    Hmmm, I do understand this is a joke, but after so many times of BRUTAL beatdown, don’t you think all jokes aside, OU is better.

  25. BOOMER SOONER! says:

    Well, you see, you uneducated Texas fan… you obviously went to Texas because you’re dumb as a bag of hammers. The Sooner Schooner is a LAND schooner. There is such a thing. If you were paying attention in 5th grade history instead of daydreaming of anal sex with Mack Brown you’d know.

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