Know Your Enemy Part 10: University of Kansas

Welcome to the 10th part in WRNL’s weekly preview of an Iowa State opponent

STADIUM: Now, those of you who read regularly will remember that our IT guy fucked up the week we previewed OU and gave us a picture of KU’s Memorial Stadium, because all of these damn Memorial Stadiums are so hard to keep straight.

Yes, angry Kansas fans. We know this is in Oklahoma. We already put your stupid stadium in the wrong preview, so please, bear with us.

Located in lovely Lawerence, KS, Kansas Memorial Stadium features all kinds of amenities such as no place to park, and a track.  For years, it was Duke North, a barren football wasteland, kept in operation solely on the back of basketball success.  Then a corpulent Italian with a penchant for verbal abuse and profanity spurred unprecedented success, actually winning a BCS bowl.  Of course, KU rewarded him in the most logical way possible:  by canning his ass and hiring an unproven choir boy.  Now things in Lawrence are back to normal, as most people have forgot that there are sports played between April and November.  Of course, after UNI won the ESPY for “Biggest Upset”, they’ve been trying to forget about that other sport, too.

MASCOT: Like Nebraska, KU has two mascots Big Jay and Little Jay.  Now, KU’s mascots don’t look like pedophiles, or shower rapists, but they definitely suck.  And that’s an insult to meth addled lot lizards up and down I-70.  In what has become a terrible Kansan mascot trend, they put an animal’s head on top of someone dressed like a football player.

Little Jay is actually Sherron Collins's ex, who has been placed in the Witness Protection Program.

To KU’s credit, they at least made a half assed attempt to make it look more bird like, with those shitty excuses for wings being sown on the arm.  Also, Big Jay’s facial expressions are particularly troubling.  What is he worried about?  Does he have a massive duker that’s been turtle heading for the last three hours?  Did Turner Gill catch him swearing?  Is Little Jay “late”?  The world may never know…

TEAM: With Mangino out the door, for basically acting like every coach I ever had in my life, there’s a new sheriff in town.  And he’s bringing his cuss jar.  No longer will KU players be able to respond to such despondent situations as the loss of Todd Reesing, Des Briscoe, Kerry Meier (and everyone else worth a damn on their team) with Eric Cartman-esque stream-of-consciousness profanity.  No longer will “tampon dick shit” be an acceptable phrase at KU football practices.  No, now KU players will be shining examples of moral fiber and clean language.

Now, this doesn’t mean Turner Gill is afraid to get stern with his players.  WRNL has stumbled across this exclusive gif file that clearly demonstrates Gill’s favorite form of discipline:

So please, KU players:  think of Charlie Murphy’s couch the next time you feel the need to drop an “F” bomb.

AGAINST ISU: So these shit heads have been a giant thorn in our side for something like 5 years in a row.  Fun fact:  2 of these losses have contributed to the name of this website!  Regardless, with absolutely no player of consequence, or the foul mouthed linguine eating tyrant who made this hell hole competitive returning, the Clones should get some well deserved revenge against the Jayhawks.  Yes, the Jayhawks may have a long running streak of “scoreboard”, but  they still have the worst chant in the history of college sports.

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6 Responses to Know Your Enemy Part 10: University of Kansas

  1. I am a Cyentist says:

    God, it chaps my ass that Kansas is getting love this preseason. How do they get picked ahead of ISU after losing their head coach and QB?

  2. KUFan says:

    Thanks for the pick me up, Norm! I needed something to tie me over. See you Oct 30.

  3. edjayhawk says:

    I agree even though I’m a KU fan. I think you will be the sleeper in the North. And you get the Huskers at your place.

  4. Knyles Lishness says:

    And the hated Hawks are politically correct now.

    They hired a black coach with a beautiful blond white wife.

    Every black dudes dream

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